We are gathered here to become gardens. You come here as deserts, but the most unbelievable phenomenon is that even a desert can hallucinate that it is a garden, that it is an oasis.
You say, “It seems that I cannot love a man at all.” Who is asking you to love a man? You can love trees and they are far better people. They don’t feel jealous, they will not create trouble for you, they will not become an anxiety. You can love the clouds, you can love the stars….
Man is such a tiny part in this whole universe. Why are you after this tiny part? Leave it alone, let the poor fellow live! You can love the whole universe; just exclude man – for the time being, at least. When you become so capable of loving that you can love even man, then it will happen on its own accord.
And Ramakrishna was no ordinary man. Through his eyes the whole universe looked into you; through his hands the whole existence made gestures significant and meaningful to you; through his words the whole spoke. He was so simple, so egoless, just a hollow bamboo – which can be made into a flute without any difficulty. And you can sing a song; the song will be yours, he will be only the vehicle…. And he allowed the whole universe to sing as many songs as possible through him.
You can also find a man…but for that you will need a sensitive heart, open and available, and you will have to drop all this garbage of being guilty and sad.
People think that they already know how to love. They have taken it for granted that they know how to live. This is one of the greatest fallacies. Neither do you know how to love, nor do you know how to live. All that you know is how to go on towards the graveyard. From the cradle to the graveyard you are a perfect pilgrim; otherwise you know nothing. You will have to learn. You have the possibility to learn, but the possibility becomes dormant because of your idea that you already know.
You say, “Out in the world the relationship with my boyfriend was so juicy.” You cannot deceive me. I have known thousands of boyfriends and thousands of girlfriends, and how juicy their relationship is…unless you decide to call poison, juice – then it is a different matter. And if it was juicy outside in the world, what is the trouble? Here are juicier people!
Outside in the world there are Christians and there are Hindus and there are Mohammedans, there are Jews and there are Buddhists, and they are all against what you call “being juicy.” They want you to be dry bones.
But illusions can be created very easily. One strategy of the mind is that it always looks at the past and chooses a few beautiful moments out of thousands of ugly situations, and then magnifies them and starts believing in them; that’s why everybody thinks his childhood was great. Ask any child, and he is in a hurry to grow up, because he can see the grown-up people are living juicy lives.