And in general it appears natural to think that through that by which we have known everything else, we can also come to know the knower. You can see the whole world through your eyes, but you cannot see your own eyes. It is a different matter to go and stand in front of a mirror, but what you will see is not your eyes, only a reflection of them, an image of them. What helplessness! Eyes see everything but are unable to see themselves.
It is a similar situation.
You have asked, “How may I fill my unconscious, my darkness with light?” You will have to do a small thing, a very small thing. Twenty-four hours – day, and night also – you are busy seeing others. At least for a little while, engage yourself in forgetting the other. The day you forget the other completely, the use of the intellect will no longer be there. This, the mystics have called meditation.
Meditation means a state where nothing remains to be known, where only the knower remains. There is no way to get rid of the knower. No matter how much you escape – to the mountains, to the deserts, to the moon and the stars – the knower in you will always be with you, because it is you. It is your innermost being. You cannot run away, leaving it behind. It is not a reflection. It is your very existence.
Every day, start giving an hour in the morning, or in the evening, or at noon, to this unique dimension. Just sit with closed eyes.
But you have developed bad habits, and there are professionals who take advantage of your bad habits. They say, “Close your eyes and see how Lord Krishna is playing on his flute! See how Jesus is hanging on the cross! Close your eyes and see this couple called Rama and Sita.” But then you are still entangled with others, even with closed eyes. Your eyes have closed, but you cannot rid yourself of the other.
There is a unique statement of Gautam Buddha: “Even if I appear before you on the path of meditation, take up a sword and cut me in two pieces. If you are my disciple and you have understood what I have been saying, then do not hesitate even for a moment – because even the master appearing on the path of meditation is the other.”
Perhaps that is the last of all struggles. To renounce your wife is not such a big thing. Those who have renounced their wives have escaped to the forests, have taken sannyas, have become great seekers and great monks. Probably you think that they have accomplished an almost impossible task. You are hugely mistaken. You are accomplishing the impossible task in still being with your wife! Those who have run away are escapists. But such escapism, such running away, is not going to solve anything.