But understanding is simply understanding. It is sheer understanding, there are no degrees in it. The moment you understand, you simply understand and the matter is closed. But we go on calling our knowledge understanding.
“As I come to understand more deeply how completely the mind has been conditioned….”
And this is mind again, because all knowledge is accumulated through the mind. Understanding arises in the no-mind. Knowledge is accumulated in the mind, it is the mind trying to be clever. And this mind can befool you so immensely.
Now, there are people who go on listening to J. Krishnamurti for years – I know people who have listened to him for thirty years, forty years – and he goes on repeating the same thing, he has a single theme. He is a very, very consistent man; he never contradicts, he is very logical. And he moves in one dimension – a one-track mind. Now what are these people doing listening to him for forty years? They are accumulating knowledge. They start forgetting, then they go to listen to him again, then he reminds them again. The memory is deepening – not understanding.
And after forty years of listening, they are in the same situation. Nothing has changed, their being has not been touched by it. But they become very, very egotistic – rather than coming to a surrender they become very, very egotistic. And remember the difference between these two words “egoist” and “egotist”: an egoist is one who believes in the ego, and the egotist is one who practices it, true to his belief.
People listening to J. Krishnamurti become very egotistic. In fact, their joy in listening to Krishnamurti is of the ego. It feels very good that you have utter freedom, that you are liberated, that you need not surrender to anybody, that you need not bow down to anybody, that you need not pray, that you need not meditate – that just by listening or just by thinking you will become enlightened. It feels very good, because there is no torture of growth, no pain of growth. And the greatest pain is to surrender – that is avoided. The ego becomes more and more subtle and feels very secure.
But joy is not there, playfulness is not there. You will not find fragrance around these people – because the more the ego settles and becomes confident about itself, the less is the possibility of its disappearing. And only in the disappearance of the ego comes the fragrance. Only when you die are you reborn.
You say: “As I come to understand more deeply how completely the mind has been conditioned it seems to me that even the guru-disciple relationship is an expression of this conditioning.”