So just watch, and after a few more days – and when I feel that you are ready, that you have forgotten the home completely – suddenly one day I will send you.
There’s a lot to say, but every time I try to say it, it just doesn’t feel like it’s it. Feels like an evasion, whatever I am trying to say. So I’ve nothing to say!
Right, that too is true…because it is always something deeper that you cannot say, so whatsoever you say will always look like an evasion. If you don’t say anything, you will wonder why you didn’t. If you do say something, you will feel that what you said was not the point, that there was something else you wanted to say.
Keep quiet – there is nothing wrong in it. Just remain silent, and that which you want to share, I can hear without you even saying it. So don’t be worried about it, mm? But whenever you feel that now words are coming, say them. Or if sometimes you want to enjoy an evasion, that too – nothing wrong in it. But do it consciously….
Do it consciously next time. Be conscious that you are evading, but that you have to evade, and let us see what comes up. Or this time you will try?
Well, part of this evasive feeling is that I feel phony, untrue.
That’s good, that’s good. The one who feels phony is not phony, and the part that feels untrue is not untrue. So find more and more shelter in that part, nourish that part.
When you want something to grow, nourish it, be attentive to it, care about it. When you want something not to grow, just keep your back towards it – and it dies of its own accord. Just like a plant that is neglected, not watered, it withers away and dies by itself.
So don’t be worried about the phony part. Just look at the part that says not to be phony, and nourish that part. Rejoice in it, bring it more and more to the light – and watch. Whenever you see something that is phony, just put it aside. For example, you were just going to smile, then suddenly you realize that it was phony. Stop, even in the middle of the smile; relax your lips, and ask the person to excuse you. Tell them it was a phony smile, and you are sorry. If a real smile comes then it is okay; if it doesn’t then that is also okay. What can you do? – If it comes it comes; if it doesn’t come it doesn’t. One cannot force it.