Because of three basic elements in sex you come to a blissful moment. Those three are, firstly, timelessness: you transcend time completely. There is no time. You forget time completely; time ceases for you. Not that time ceases, it ceases for you; you are not in it. There is no past, no future. In this very moment, here and now, the whole existence is concentrated. This moment becomes the only real moment. If you can make this moment the only real moment without sex, then there is no need of sex. Through meditation it happens.
Secondly, in sex for the first time you lose your ego, you become egoless. So all those who are very much egoistic, they are all always against sex, because in sex they have to lose their egos. You are not, nor is there the other. You and your beloved are both lost into something else. A new reality evolves, a new unit comes into existence in which the old two are lost – completely lost. The ego is afraid. You are no more there. If without sex you can come to a moment when you are not, then there is no need of it.
And thirdly, in sex you are natural for the first time. The unreal is lost, the faces, the facades are lost; the society, the culture, the civilization, is lost. You are a part of nature. As trees are, as animals are, as stars are, you are a part of nature. You are in a greater something – the cosmos, the Tao. You are floating in it. You cannot even swim in it; you are not. You are just floating – being taken by the current.
These three things give you the ecstasy. Sex is just a situation in which it happens naturally. Once you know and once you can feel these elements, you can create these elements independently of sex. All meditation is essentially the experience of sex without sex, but you have to go through it. It must become part of your experience, not just be there as concepts, ideas, thoughts.
Tantra is not for sex, Tantra is to transcend. But you can transcend only through experience – existential experience – not through ideology. Only through Tantra does brahmacharya happen. This looks paradoxical, but it is not. Only through knowledge does transcendence happen. Ignorance cannot help you towards transcendence; it can only help you towards hypocrisy.
Now I will take more questions. Someone has asked,
How often should one indulge in sex in order to help and not to hinder the meditation process?
The question arises because we go on misunderstanding. Your sex act and the tantric sex act are basically different. Your sex act is to relieve; it is just like sneezing out a good sneeze. The energy is thrown out and you are unburdened. It is destructive, it is not creative. It is good – therapeutic. It helps you to be relaxed, but nothing more.