A small child – we are making a hypocrite out of him. He is becoming false and divided. He knows that his smile is false. His anger is real but the real has to be suppressed and the unreal has to be forced. He will be split. And by and by the split will become so deep, the gap will become so deep, that whenever he smiles he will smile a false smile.
And if he cannot be really angry then he cannot be really anything, because reality is condemned. He cannot express his love, he cannot express his ecstasy: he has become afraid of the real. If you condemn one part of the real the whole reality is condemned, because reality cannot be divided and a child cannot divide.
One thing is certain: the child has come to understand that he is not accepted. As he is, he is not acceptable. The real is somehow bad, so he has to be false. He has to use faces, masks. Once he has learned this the whole life will move in a false dimension. And the false can only lead to misery, the false cannot lead to happiness. Only the true, authentically real, can lead you towards ecstasy, towards peak experiences of life – love, joy, meditation, whatsoever you name them.
Everybody is brought up in this pattern, so you long for happiness but whatsoever you do creates misery. The first thing towards happiness is to accept oneself and the society never teaches you to accept yourself. It teaches you to condemn yourself, to be guilty about yourself, to cut many parts. It cripples you, and a crippled man cannot reach to the goal. And we are all crippled.
Attachment is misery. But from the very beginning the child is taught for attachment. The mother will say to the child, “Love me, I am your mother.” The father will say, “Love me, I am your father” – as if someone is a father or a mother so he automatically becomes lovable.
Just being a mother doesn’t mean much or just being a father doesn’t mean much. To be a father is to pass through a great discipline: one has to be lovable. To be a mother is not just to reproduce: to be a mother means a great training, a great inner discipline – one has to be lovable.
If the mother is lovable then the child will love without any attachment. And wherever he will find that someone is lovable, he will love. But mothers are not lovable, fathers are not lovable; they have never thought in those terms – that love is a quality.
You have to create it, you have to become it. You have to grow. Only then can you create love in others. It cannot be demanded. If you demand it, it can become an attachment, but not love.
So the child will love the mother because she is his mother. The mother or the father, they become the goals. These are relationships, not love. Then he becomes attached to the family, and the family is a destructive force because the family of the neighbor is separate; it is not lovable because you don’t belong to it. Then your community, your nation…but the neighboring nation is the enemy.