Buddha says this is one of the most difficult things – to try to share that which you don’t have – and that’s what people are doing. They go on trying to love without ever considering the fact that love has not yet grown in their heart. In fact, you don’t love yourself – how can you love others? The basic is missing, the very basic is missing.
You are not happy alone – how can you be happy together with somebody else? If you are unhappy alone, when you come together with somebody, you will bring your unhappiness to be shared. That’s all you have – your poverty, your rottenness, your misery, your depression, your sadness, your angst, anxiety, anguish…your disease.
Try to possess something – that which cannot be taken away by anybody, not even by death. Difficult, but possible. It looks impossible. How to be loving without finding a lover? Our whole mind has been conditioned in a wrong way. You can dance without the audience; why can’t you love without there being somebody? You can sing without a listener; why can’t you love without a lover? Your mind has been conditioned wrongly. You think you can love only when there is somebody to love.
Practice love. Sitting alone in your room, be loving. Radiate love. Fill the whole room with your love energy. Feel vibrating with a new frequency, feel swaying as if you are in the ocean of love. Create vibrations of love energy around you. And you will start feeling immediately that something is happening – something in your aura is changing, something around your body is changing; a warmth is arising around your body…a warmth like deep orgasm. You are becoming more alive. Something like sleep is disappearing. Something like awareness is arising. Sway into this ocean. Dance, sing, and let your whole room be filled with love.
In the beginning it feels very weird. When for the first time you can fill your room with love energy, your own energy, which goes on falling and rebouncing on you and makes you so happy, one starts feeling, “Am I hypnotizing myself? Am I deluded? What is happening?” Because you have always thought that love comes from somebody else. A mother is needed to love you, a father, a brother, a husband, a wife, a child – but somebody.
Love that depends on somebody is a poor love. Love that is created within you, love that you create out of your own being, is real energy. Then move anywhere with that ocean surrounding you and you will feel that everybody who comes close to you is suddenly under a different kind of energy.
People will look at you with more open eyes. You will be passing them and they will feel that a breeze of some unknown energy has passed them; they will feel fresher. Hold somebody’s hand and his whole body will start throbbing. Just be close to somebody and that man will start feeling very happy for no reason at all. You can watch it. Then you are becoming ready to share. Then find a lover, then find a right receptivity for you.
I have heard a small anecdote: