So the first thing is right, the questioner is absolutely right: “Every time I have loved someone and afterwards dug into it, I have found that it was no love at all. It was something else…” perfectly true “…in the name of love. Thus I now have no faith….” That is wrong – because you have not known love yet. How can you lose your faith in love, which you have not yet known? You can lose your faith in jealousy, you can lose your faith in possessiveness, you can lose your faith in anger, you can lose your faith in lust, but you have not come across love at all so how can you lose faith in it? To lose faith or to have faith, at least some experience of love is essential – and you have not come across it.
Dig a little more and you will be able to sort it out now. What is jealousy? – you know; what is possessiveness? – you know. This is good, you are evolving. This is how everybody has to evolve. In the beginning, everything is mixed – as if mud is mixed in gold. Then one has to put the gold into fire: all that is not gold is burned, drops out of it. Only pure gold comes out of the fire. Awareness is the fire, love is the gold; jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, anger, lust are the impurities. You are becoming more aware. Now you see what jealousy is, and you can see it is not love. Half the battle is won, fifty percent of the battle is over – you can recognize jealousy. But you have not yet known what love is. You are on the right track. But don’t become hopeless, don’t lose courage, don’t lose faith because sooner or later you will be able to know what love is. You are coming closer to home.
Don’t be in such a hurry. Truth tends to reveal itself. Truth is revelatory, truth is revelation. You just go on seeking, searching, finding. There may be many errors, but there is no other way to grow. Trial and error is the only way. By and by, you go on eliminating the errors. Less and less errors happen, and more and more purity becomes available. Don’t stop in the middle.
I have heard:
Mulla Nasruddin got a job in a bank. The cashier tossed him a packet of one-rupee notes and said, “Check them to make sure there are one hundred.”
Mulla started counting. Finally he got to fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, then he threw the packet in the drawer.
“If it is right this far,” remarked Nasruddin to the man next to him, “it is probably right all the way.”
Don’t be in such a hurry. If it has been wrong so far, don’t think it will be wrong all the way. At a hundred degrees, suddenly it turns right. One has to penetrate all the impurities. But you are on the right track, so be happy.
And it is because of a deep desire for love that you have been able to recognize what is not love. Otherwise, how would you recognize? You can recognize that this is not gold because gold exists. Otherwise, what is the criterion to know that this is not love? You have some tacit understanding; it is not conscious yet, it is tacit, deep down. That is the meaning of understanding, understood. You have a tacit understanding, some deep undercurrent which knows what love is. That’s why you can find “this is not love, that is not love.” Good, you are on the right track. Go on to the very end, all the way.