And you pay so much to a psychiatrist; it is a luxury, only very rich people can afford it. But why do they do what they do? They simply lie down on the couch and talk, and the psychoanalyst listens. But he listens, he pays attention to you. Of course, you have to pay for it, but you feel good. You feel good simply because the other is paying attention. You walk differently out of his office, your quality has changed: you have a dance in your feet, you can hum, you can sing. It may not be forever now: next week you will have to come again to the office, but when somebody listens to you, pays attention to you, he says, “You are somebody, you are worth listening to,” he doesn’t seem bored. He may not say anything but then, too, it is very good.
You have a deep need to be needed. Somebody must need you, otherwise you don’t have any ground under your feet. Society is your need. Even if somebody fights with you it is okay, better than being alone, because at least he pays attention to you, the enemy; you can think about him.
Whenever you are in love, look at this need. Look at lovers, watch, because it will be difficult if you yourself are in love. Then to watch is difficult because you are almost crazy, you are not in your senses. But watch lovers: they say to each other, “I love you,” but deep down in their hearts they want to be loved. To love is not the thing, to be loved is the real thing; and they love just to be loved. The basic thing is not to love, the basic thing is to be loved.
That’s why lovers go on complaining against each other, “You don’t love me enough.” Nothing is enough, never can anything be enough, because the need is infinite. Hence the bondage is infinite, it cannot be fulfilled. Whatsoever the lover is doing, you will always feel something more is possible; you can still hope more, you can still imagine more. And then that is lacking and then you feel frustrated. And every lover thinks, “I love, but the other is not responding well,” and the other thinks in the same terms.
What is the matter? Nobody loves. And unless you become a Jesus or a Buddha you cannot love, because only one whose need to be needed has disappeared can love.
In Kahlil Gibran’s beautiful book, Jesus the Son of Man, he has created a fictitious but beautiful story; and sometimes fictions are more factual than facts. Mary Magdalene looks out of her window and sees Jesus sitting in her garden under a tree. The man is beautiful. She had known many men, she was a famous prostitute – even kings used to knock at her door – she was one of the loveliest flowers. But she had never known such a man, because a person like Jesus carries an invisible aura around him that gives him a beauty of something of the other world, he doesn’t belong to this world. There was a light around him, a grace, the way he walked, the way he sat, as if he were an emperor in the robes of a beggar.
He looked so much of another world that Magdalene asked her servants to go and invite him, but Jesus refused. He said, “I am okay here. The tree is beautiful and very shady.”
Then Magdalene had to go herself and ask, request Jesus. She could never believe that anybody would refuse the request. She said, “Come into my house and be my guest.”
Jesus said, “I have already come into your house, I have already become a guest. Now there is no other need.”