When you eat, enjoy it totally. But then there is a need for six to eight hours’ fast, only then does the hunger arise again. The same is true about love. When you love a person you come close: you eat of him, he eats of you, you participate in each other’s being. You come closer and closer and closer, to a point where no more closeness is possible. Then the reverse process sets in: you have to go away to come back again – you have to fast to feast again.
That is the inner mechanism of why lovers fight. The fight is a way to go away from each other so that they can start feeling hungry for each other again; then they come back again. Now drop fighting, then you will be stuck. Then you will never be able to come together again. That’s what happens with husbands and wives: a moment comes, they become fed up with fighting and they stop fighting, they become polite to each other. They become very, very careful: they call it care but it is not care, it is just an avoidance of ugly scenes. But then they remain separate forever, then they keep a certain distance. Then they never come close, because they have understood by experience that if you come close you will have to go away. And the only way to go away is by fighting – otherwise how can you go away? Loving is coming closer, fighting is going away. It is hard to go away; you have to create a rationale to go away. You have to hate the person so that you can be away from the person, you can forget all about him and you can be alone. Togetherness and aloneness, this is the polarity.
You say,: “I have just recently been helped to discover that nobody is perfect and to let go of my fantasy of a perfect person.”
You will not find a perfect person. And if you can find one you will not be able to love him either, because he will be so inhuman, he will be like a machine. Machines are perfect, but you cannot love a machine unless you are mad. There are people who love machines, there are people who love their cars – they are just mad. And there is a reason in it, why they love cars – they have become incapable of loving human beings, because it is risky. Loving a car, there is no risk: you can shout at it, you can abuse it, it will not retaliate, it will not say a thing.
You see? When people become incapable of loving human beings they start loving pets, animals, because a dog is always good to you. Dogs are such great politicians; they know your stupidity. They know – whenever you come they start wagging their tails. Even if you are angry at them they go on wagging their tails. They never react, they are always loving. They are not like your wife or your husband, they are always loving. But can’t you see that their wagging the tail continuously is false, pseudo? It is sickening – mm? The poor dog is just trying to be a diplomat, and you enjoy it. You have fallen from your humanity.