Lust means you are trying to exploit the other, and naturally there will be fear. The fear will be that the other may exploit you. To get into a relationship means getting into a space where you are thinking to exploit and the other is also thinking to exploit. Both are going to use the other as a means. Hence there is great attraction – the opportunity to exploit the other – and great fear because you may be exploited.
Lust can never be free of fear, the ego can never be free of fear. Hence the people who have escaped into the deserts, into the mountains, into the monasteries, are still afraid, trembling, because you can escape from the world but how you will escape from your nature?
Love is a basic need. You can escape from the world, but you will still need food. You can escape from the world; that doesn’t mean that now there is no need for food. And love is food for the soul, just as food is food for the body. One cannot avoid love. If one avoids love one is avoiding life. To avoid love means to commit suicide.
Your saints have committed suicide, your sinners have committed suicide. In a way they both are same because they exist on the polar opposites.
My sannyasin has to transcend the polarity, the opposition. He has to go beyond both. Beyond lust means never be cunning, never try to use the other. That is ugly, that is inhuman, that is irreligious. That is violence, pure violence. To respect the other as an end unto himself or herself is the way of the sannyasin. Avoid being cunning.
A few who had won the first prize in a state lottery was suddenly besieged by relatives and friends who had previously ignored him. But he refused to give or lend them any money.
“You now have more money than you will ever spend,” said one. “Why are you so unkind?” I have two good reasons,” explained the lucky winner. “First, I hate my relatives, and second, I love my money!”
To love somebody means to respect; it means not to exploit. To love somebody means to give love and all that you have without any idea of getting anything in return. If there is even a slight idea, a slight motivation, it is cunningness, it is lust. Even to ask for gratitude is wrong. Love is possible only when you love for love’s sake.
A rich widower invited his three sons and their wives to a birthday dinner at his house. As they sat down at the table he explained why he had brought them all together.
“This is my fifty-eighth birthday, as you know, and I am about to change my will. Because of my disappointment at not being a grandfather, I am going to give $250,000 to my first grandchild.” Then he bowed his head and said grace.
When he looked up he found himself alone at the table.