Now, her interest is in the insurance money. It shows; you cannot hide it. It will show in some way or other. It will empty out of you.
You must have heard about great rishis and mahatmas doing their meditations in the forest. And then apsaras, beautiful damsels from heaven, come to distract them. But why should these beautiful women be interested in distracting these poor people, who are not doing any harm to anybody? They are just sitting under their trees doing their japa, their meditation. Why should anybody be interested in distracting them?
Indian scriptures are full of these stories. But nobody asks “Why in the first place…?” Why should God have a portfolio, a special department to distract these poor, fasting, meditating people? But they come. And those beautiful women dance around naked, and they hug the mahatmas, and they try to distract them from their meditations. These women are not coming from heaven. Heaven has no interest. Heaven really should rejoice that another man is coming higher, reaching to heaven. It is not very populated. Heaven is very uncrowded, almost a desert, because people go to hell. God should rejoice, the angels should dance and sing that a new guest is coming. There should be a sensation in heaven. Why should they send beautiful women to distract? And in the first place, where will they find the beautiful women? They all go to hell. What are they doing with beautiful women in heaven? But they come. They don’t come from heaven, they come from the unconscious repressed sexuality
If you fast if you torture your body, if you go on repressing your natural desires, a moment comes when you are so full of it that the fantasy looks almost real. Then you cannot make any distinction between the fantasy and the real. Then the imagination looks objective. You are in a kind of hallucination. These are hallucinations.
No. You ask: “What is the difference between great sexual suppression and freedom from sex?”
The difference is great! The difference is: that the man who has repressed his sex will remain continuously giving signals about his sexuality and obsession. He will continuously talk against it, he will condemn it. He will never be able to forgive anybody for being sexual. Just the word is enough to trigger his anger and hatred. If he sees two persons in a loving state, he will be off his rocker.
Just a few days before, it happened. One shankaracharya came to see me. Now this is the last place for shankaracharyas to come to. He was staying with a doctor in Pune, and the doctor is interested in me, and he must have persuaded the poor old man – “You come.” Somehow he managed and brought him to the gate. He was sitting in the car. The doctor had gone to the office to arrange for the meeting.