The question was not asked for the answer, the question was just a trick so that I could show my love to her. Then why go so roundabout? Why not simply write: “Osho, say some beautiful things about me?” That would be easy, simple – why send such big questions? Then be direct: “I need to be appreciated, applauded.” But the mind is tricky. You may ask something but you may not be at all interested in the question or in the answer. There may be some secret desire lurking behind it. Seeing that desire I had to use the thousand-pound sledge hammer.
But you missed. You ducked. You should have bowed down before that thousand-pound hammer, you should have received it, accepted it, welcomed it. It would have given you tremendous insight. But you missed. Rather than listening to what I said to you, you listened more to what I said to Gramya and now you feel jealous – why have I not said the same thing to you?
It was not your need. When you come to me I have to give you the medicine that you need. You cannot say, “Why have you given Gramya a very sweet medicine and me a very bitter thing?” You need it. The sweet medicine may kill you: it is not your need. I am a physician, I am trying to help you to come out of your diseases. You may not be too interested in coming out of your diseases, but that is my only interest. I am not interested in anything else. You may be simply hankering for sympathy. Sympathy is poison and has to be used only when poison is needed. Sometimes an ill person needs poison too – all of Allopathy depends on poison.
But you should not tell the doctor what medicine should be given to you, you should not prescribe for yourself. Not only have you come with a disease, you have come with a prescription also! You want me to sign it, then you will be very happy. If you can doctor yourself then the need for me is not there – then doctor yourself. If you cannot doctor yourself then listen to what I say, meditate over it – all the nuances of it, all the meanings, subtle and gross, in it. You should have meditated. That hammer would have helped you tremendously.
A thousand-pound sledge hammer had to be used because, Ananda Prem, you have a very thick head. It is almost a rock. In fact, when I use the hammer I am always worried whether the hammer is going to survive or not!
And you ask: “Why have you become so hard on old disciples?” That’s what the old disciple is for. You have graduated, Ananda Prem. Gramya will also graduate – wait! The older you are, the harder I will be; because I hope that you will have become more capable. I hope that now you will be able to receive greater shocks.
Naturally, when a new disciple comes, I cannot hit him very hard. I have to be very cautious, I go slowly. The closer and closer the disciple comes to me, the more and more I can become certain when the moment is and the disciple can be hit hard. Because deep down the whole function of a master is to behead you. The master is a sword. Says Jesus. “I have not brought peace into the world, I have brought a sword.”