The first question:
Right now, here, I could drink you, share in your buddhahood, but I don’t. Day after day, I don’t. Osho, is our conditioning that difficult to drop?
The most difficult thing in life is to drop the past – because to drop the past means to drop the whole identity, to drop the whole personality. It is to drop yourself. You are nothing but your past, you are nothing but your conditionings.
It is not like dropping clothes – it is as if one’s skin is being peeled off. Your past is all that you know you are. Dropping is difficult, arduous – the most difficult thing in life. But those who can dare to drop it, only they live. Others simply pretend to live, others simply go on dragging themselves somehow. They don’t have any vitality – they can’t have. They live at the minimum. And to live at the minimum is to miss the whole thing.
It is only when you live at the optimum of your potential that blossoming happens. It is only at the optimum expression of your being, of your truth, that God arrives – that you start feeling the presence of the divine.
The more you disappear, the more you feel the presence of the divine. But the presence will be felt only later on. The first condition to be fulfilled is disappearing. It is a kind of death.
Hence, it is difficult. And conditioning has gone very deep – because you have been conditioned from the very beginning; from the first moment you were born, conditioning started. By the time you became alert, a little aware, it had already reached to the deepest core of your being. Unless you penetrate yourself to this deepest core that was not conditioned at all, that was before conditioning started, unless you become that silent and that innocent, you will never know who you are.
You will know you are a Hindu, a Christian, a communist. You will know you are an Indian, a Chinese, a Japanese, and you will know many things – but those things are just conditionings imposed upon you. You had come into the world utterly silent, pure, innocent. Your innocence was absolute.
Meditation means to penetrate to that core, to that innermost core. Zen people call it knowing the original face.
This conditioning has to be understood first. Because of this conditioning you have lost something essential, something natural, something spontaneous in you. You are no more a human being, you only appear to be one. You have become a humanoid.