The first question:
Every time I’m away from my family I feel such a deep and beautiful love for my wife and my children. But when I am with them, lots of conflicts arise and I feel like running away from family, job, tradition, et cetera. But when I’m away I feel that’s not it – that’s not the answer.
What is going on? Can you tell me what to do?
It is not a question of doing. Whatsoever you do will be wrong, because you are not in a right space. You are not right, how can you do anything right? That is impossible.
It is a question of being, not of doing. Hence, you can move from one prison into another, but you cannot be free. You can escape from the world, you will still be miserable – for new reasons of course. You can change your wife, you can change your job, you can change your house, you can change your religion, your church; still you will be the same. All these changes are superficial. They are just like painting your face black, white, red…but deep down nothing is changed, you remain the same.
You have to become more aware. And awareness is not a question of doing; it is a question of being. It is something about your essential core, nothing about your circumference. That’s why it is happening to you – not only to you, it is happening to everybody.
I have known people who have renounced life, renounced the wife, the children, the marketplace, have moved to the Himalayas, to the caves. Sitting in their caves they are still miserable – the same misery. There are no longer the same old causes. But those causes were just excuses, they were not real causes.
The real cause is always within you, and how can you escape from it? Wherever you go, you will be yourself.
Sitting in the Himalayan caves, they are still themselves, utterly miserable. And now they are thinking, “What are we doing here?” Now they have forgotten all the misery of the world, now they remember with nostalgia all the joys of the world. They may not have experienced those joys; they may be just imagining, fantasizing.