A lot came up for me in discourse when you said Anubuddha was so loving, so caring, so successful. The line that got me the most was, “our best bodyworker.” My need for praise and fear of rejection was hit by a strong punch in the stomach. I feel like I’m drowning; you look like the lifeguard, so I scream out for help, but you just smile and tell a joke.
Osho, how deep is the water?
Deva Satyarthi, I knew, as everybody else did, whose question this was! I was waiting for it; in fact it arrived almost the same day. But I waited so that you could cool down a little.
You don’t seem to understand the language of this commune. Here everyone is the best! I have never come across another category. This is not the ordinary world you are in. Here things have a different meaning. And you are to be understanding enough; otherwise you will go on missing the basic points of inner growth.
Just the other day, when Anubuddha was working on my hand it was hurting so much, and I had to decide whether to say to him, “Do your worst, don’t be worried,” or, “Do your best, don’t be worried.” For the first time I came to understand that the worst and the best can be the same. But it is our whole upbringing which teaches competition, jealousy, which teaches comparison and continuously keeps us in a despair.
These are foundations of despair and anguish. If you are continuously comparing…. Then somebody has a little longer nose than yours, and you will feel very much hurt against God, “What kind of miserliness…. Just a little bit longer nose and I would have been a beautiful person. And he has given me a nose which looks as if he has punched it. Is it a nose or a joke? – punch line!”
And you are always looking all around – thousands of people. There are people who have beautiful bodies, there are people who have great intelligence, and there are people who have money – and they all keep you in misery. They don’t do anything to you, you do everything yourself; it is a self-created hell. But continuously comparing yourself with everybody you come across, you will be never out of misery; you are following all the rules which create misery. One has to learn not to compare, not to be competitive.
Satyarthi has been working on my body almost for one month and he is my best bodyworker. There is no question and no doubt about it. But he is a best bodyworker in his own way; Anubuddha is in his own way. Leela was working on my body…. My body is a kind of test for my bodyworkers. So many people…they enjoy working. I say, “Okay, torture me as much as you can. Anyway I have nothing else to do. You are doing the whole work, I am simply witnessing how much people can torture each other.”