I have to use words; I am helpless. The day you are be able to understand silence there will be no need for me to talk to you every day, we can sit in silence. That will be a beautiful day – I am preparing you for it. Even though I use words I use them against words, I use them in such a way so that they can commit suicide in you. That’s why I have to be contradictory: that’s why I say one thing this moment and contradict it immediately – so that no word takes root in you. So that slowly, slowly you start understanding that words are meaningless, their meaning is a pretension. Then there will be no misunderstanding.

After many years of trying, a man won a big First Dividend on the football pools. His prize money amounted to millions of pounds and naturally he went a little mad in the first week or two, buying an apartment and a country house, two cars and a yacht. Then one day he rushed into the most expensive furriers in Bond Street and ordered several thousand pounds’ worth of fur coats and stoles.

“This is quite a large order, sir,” said the clerk.

“Yes,” he replied. “I’ve won a First Dividend on the pools and I’m going to smother my wife in furs!”

“Wouldn’t it be cheaper to use a pillow?” asked the clerk.

Three girls, one American, one English and one French, were applying for the job of air-hostess, and were given initiative tests. One of these involved the capacity to make quick decisions, and the three girls were asked the following by their examiner: “Suppose,” he said, “that you are flying over the Polynesian islands and your plane has to ditch in the sea. You find yourself alone in a rubber life raft rowing towards an island. As you get closer you see a crowd of American Marines on the shore watching you coming in. What would you do?”

The American girl said, “I would turn around and row to another island.”

The English girl said, “I would carry on rowing, and when I reached land I would ask to see the commanding officer and report to him.”

And the French girl said nothing, but looked puzzled. “Do you understand the question?” asked the examiner.

“Oh yes,” she replied. “But what is the problem?”

It depends on you.

A benevolent but forgetful old gentleman was entertaining a party of people, some of whom he had not met for a long time. As they were all standing around drinking cocktails before going in to dinner, the host moved from one to the other, making polite conversation. In the course of so doing, he came upon a young man of whom he had not heard for some time.

“I am delighted to see you,” he beamed. “And how is my dear old friend, your father?”

“I am sorry to have to tell you, sir,” said the young man, “that my father died some six months ago.”

The host expressed his deep regret and at that moment the butler announced that dinner was served.