You hate and condemn yourself, so you go on creating masks to hide behind, to deceive others with. At least you can try to deceive others, even if you cannot deceive yourself. But nobody is deceived, because those people are trying the same trick themselves. The whole world is in the same mess.
So the first thing is to respect yourself, and not to make any demands on yourself. There is no should to life. Life is as it ought to be; it already is. You just have to accept and enjoy yourself, and give yourself in love. If respect comes through love it is beautiful. And it always comes through love because there is no other way.
And I don’t see any problem. You have simply created them. There are people who really do have problems, and people who don’t have any, but just to remain occupied they create them.
So drop them, they are simply rubbish, and start to enjoy from this very moment. Right? Give it a try.
I don’t quite know what to do between now and when I go back to England in March. I feel like I ought to be doing more, working harder. I’m not doing very much in the way of actual work.
Never go ahead, remain with the present. Today is enough unto itself, and March is far away, millions of miles away. There is no need to be worried about it. Why waste these moments?
Live now, and when March comes you will be there, so whatsoever life demands at that moment, you respond. If you plan something from here, you are creating a problem for yourself in two ways.
Firstly, you are wasting this moment which could have been lived: by planning you are wasting it. Secondly, whatsoever you plan is never going to be exactly as you plan, never, because there are millions of causes that go on working to create the future. So it will never fit with your plans, and that is going to make you frustrated.
Man thinks that he proposes and “God” disposes. “God” is not there to dispose anybody’s plans. The disposition is in the very proposition. In the very planning, you are creating a structure. The future is open, and it cannot follow anybody’s structure.
You waste this moment, and then you will waste those moments of the future in being frustrated. And out of frustration you will plan even harder; you will think that because you weren’t accurate in your planning you missed. Again you are missing the point.