Hence, the master is also life. That’s why when you are here you feel life. And naturally a confusion arises: you were afraid of death, and here you feel more alive than anywhere else. Your life comes to its fullest expression; all the dust that you have gathered is gone, your mirror is absolutely clean.
The master is also the beginning of a new life – the end of an old, rotten personality and the beginning of a new, eternal individuality. That is the mystery of the master, his contradiction – that he kills you to save you, that there is no other way.
In the mystery school of al-Hillaj Mansoor, on the gate it was written: Unless you are ready to leave yourself outside where you leave your shoes, don’t come in. You are welcome, but leave your rotten self, your mind – which is nothing but rubbish – with your shoes. And you will be fortunate if somebody steals your shoes and your personality too.
Another master, the master of al-Hillaj Mansoor himself, Junnaid, had written a notice in front of the doors of his school: Unless you are willing to be killed, just turn back from the door; don’t dare to come in.
And these people were saying something absolutely right. They were making it clear, so that you could not say later on, “You deceived us.”
But those who entered their mystery schools came out with a new life, with an authentic life, with a joy that knows no ending, with a love that is eternal, with eyes which can only be called divine. And only then could they realize that what they had received is too much, and what they had lost was nothing but sickness, insanity, misery, death itself.
Both your experiences are correct. Now it is up to you to choose. If you want life, abundant life, then be ready to die. Dying each moment so that each moment you are reborn is the whole secret of all religion.
The more I am with you, the less I can say I know you. It strikes me that in being with you there is no relationship…just an experience which happens afresh each time I sit at your feet. Osho, can you speak of this mystery?
There is no mystery at all. It is simply a reality.
Every kind of relationship is in some way or other a subtle bondage of expectations, demands, which are followed by complaints, frustrations. Each relationship ends in such bitterness that one cannot believe that this is the same relationship that had begun in such a sweet way. It is a fragrance in the beginning, and slowly slowly it becomes disgusting. And the reason is not that somebody is responsible for it – the very nature of relationship turns every sweet experience into a bitter experience.