The moment he saw Amrito attired in his sannyasin dress he became furious. For one and a half hours continuously he spoke against clinging to the master. Amrito was laughing at the whole thing – why was he so disturbed? He could see his love, his compassion, his effort to help him, but he could also feel that there was something more to it; he couldn’t figure out what it was. What he could not figure out is J. Krishnamurti’s clinging to the idea of non-clinging. He is still very serious about it.
My sannyas is a non-serious phenomenon; it is really very light-hearted. It is given in love and laughter and it is received in love and laughter. It is not the old idea of sannyas – of serious people, anti-life, anti-love, trying to escape from the world. It is not escapist at all. On the contrary, I teach my people to be in the world – and as totally as possible and as passionately as possible and as intensely as possible.
But Krishnamurti has carried a wound throughout his long life. He was brought up by Theosophists and from his very childhood he was taught a thousand and one rules, because they were bringing him up with a certain idea: that he is going to be the World Teacher, that he is going to be the new Christ, the Messiah, that it is through him that the world is going to be redeemed – he is no ordinary person. They were preparing him as a vehicle so that God could descend in him and he could become a mouthpiece for God. Of course, tremendous discipline was needed and he was almost tortured.
There were two brothers, Krishnamurti and Nityananda; both were being prepared. Nityananda died – and my own feeling is that he died because of too much discipline: fasting, yoga, and so many occult and esoteric processes they had to pass through. And they were very young, very tender. Krishnamurti was only nine years old. They had to get up early, three o’clock in the morning, and the training would start.
And the man who was in charge, Leadbeater, was a hard taskmaster. Not only was he a hard taskmaster, he was also a homosexual person. And it is a well-known fact that his interest in small children was basically sexual. He was found in very compromising postures with Krishnamurti too!
Those wounds have remained. Krishnamurti cannot forgive Leadbeater. Half a century has passed, or more; Leadbeater is dead, the whole Theosophical movement is dead, but those scars of master and disciplehood, of training, surrender, obedience, have not left Krishnamurti yet. They have become very subtle as time has passed. For almost fifty years he has been fighting against ghosts which are no more in existence. He goes on boxing in the air with ghosts which are non-existential.
My sannyas and my existence are so new to him he cannot understand it – he has not made any effort to understand it. For one and a half hours he was hammering on Amrito: “This is the most dangerous thing that you have done. Never become a disciple to anybody! Don’t cling to a master!”
Politely, many times Amrito reminded him that “I am not clinging to anybody. And my master is not in favor of clinging: he gives us total freedom. It is out of freedom that we are with him, and any moment we decide not to be with him…he does not create any guilt because of that.”