In the beginning, when it starts, the natural inference will be that the relationship is finished, that you are no more in love. Certainly you are no more in the love that you were before – that old love is no longer possible. That was animal love, it is good that it is gone. Now a higher quality, something more divine, is going to take place. But you have to help each other.
These are the real difficult times – when you come to know whether you love your partner, and whether your partner loves you – when these great gaps arise between you and you feel you are going far away from each other. These are the crucial moments, a fire test, when you should try to bring the other person, who is left behind, closer to you. You should help the other person to be meditative.
The natural idea will be to bring yourself down so the other is not offended. That’s an absolutely wrong attitude. You are not helping the other, you are hurting yourself. A good opportunity is being lost. When you could have pulled the other towards heights, you have descended yourself.
Don’t be worried that the other will be offended. You make every effort to bring the other also to the same space, to the same meditative mind, and the other will be grateful, not offended. But these are not the moments when you should depart from each other. These are the moments when you should keep – with every effort – the contact with the other, with as much compassion as possible. Because if love cannot help the other in transforming the animal energies into higher spiritual energies, then your love is not love – not worth calling love.
This is the situation many are passing through. But very few have the courage to ask the question, because it seems asking such a question is exposing yourself unnecessarily, becoming a laughingstock. But this gathering is to expose yourself. This gathering is not to hide and keep secrets to yourself. Nobody is your enemy here. Everybody is a fellow traveler.
And the same problems are going to be faced and encountered by everyone. So when a problem arises, never think twice. Ask it fearlessly, howsoever stupid you look in asking it. Because it is going to help not only you; it is going to help many others who are also struggling in the same situation, but have not been courageous enough to bring it forth. They are trying on their own, somehow, to settle the situation.
It is not a question of settling. It is good that it has lost its old, settled state. It is good that it is unsettled, that trouble has arisen. Now it depends on you and on your intelligence, how you use the opportunity – in favor of your growth, or against it. Asking the question may help you.
So two things…first, remember you are fortunate that sex seems to be going away from your life. Secondly, don’t think that the other person is feeling offended. Expose your heart to the other person. Don’t try to bring yourself to the position of the other, but try in every possible way to hold the hand of the other, and take her, or him, to the higher stage, where you are suddenly finding yourself.