You say, “In these years there have been but few instances when I have known the feelings of love, of trust and openness.” Absolutely wrong! You are trying to console yourself; because people are living here in trust, in love, in openness, and you don’t want to appear an absolute beggar who has not known any moment of love, of trust, or of openness.
Because the basic principle about love, trust or openness is: they come but they never go. Why should one leave the joy of love and fall into the misery of lovelessness? Why should one know the beauty of trust and still go back to his mind, to his arithmetic and accountancy?
I am not saying that you have to drop your accounting. Mind can do that, but through that you cannot be connected with me. If you can drop these ideas it will be a shock to you – that you have not known even moments of love, moments of trust, moments of openness – but this shock is going to be of immense value. It will heal you. This shock will awaken you.
You say, “My mind usually comes in and ends these moments.” Mind has not the power to end love; this simply shows you have not known anything of love or trust. When people fall in love, however great a mind they may have, the love is going to be victorious, not the mind.
Mind is juiceless, dry bones. It is a biocomputer; it is not your soul. And unless you start from the heart you cannot arrive at the being: heart is the gate to the being. Mind does not allow you to go out of itself – just out of the fear that you may come across the heart, which is so juicy, so beautiful, so lovely and so loving, that meeting the heart, mind has no way to pull you back.
You can use the mind as an instrument, but it cannot remain your master; and, Nitin, it is still your master. You are quoting a Sufi saying which you cannot understand. The only person alive on the earth who can understand it is Ajit Saraswati. He was in the same trap in which you are – he approached me from his mind. Because I was saying things which he had not the courage to say, or was not articulate enough to say, he came closer to me, and as he became more and more articulate, listening, he asked me, “Many Rotary Clubs, Lions Clubs ask me to speak about you – should I go?”
I never prevent people; I knew that this was going to be his downfall. I said, “If they are inviting you, you can go.” And he started talking to the Rotary Clubs in Pune and Kolhapur and Sholapur – in different places. He had come with me to America too, and when he found that he could say the same words, he could manage to argue in the same way, he came back to Pune.
There was a celebration in the ashram and everybody thought that he had come directly from the commune, he must have brought some flavor with him – so they asked him to speak. And I was informed that: “It was such a surprise to us that he was not speaking about you, he was speaking himself – and he knows nothing.”