But he was so alive! And he was really alive only after he “died.” The day he achieved inner enlightenment he died outwardly, but then he became very alive. Then he was so relaxed and so spontaneous. Then he was without fear – without fear of death.
Fear of death is the only fear. It may take any shape, but that is the basic fear. Once you are ready – once you have died – there is no fear. And only in a nonfearing existence can life come to its total flowering.
Even then, death comes; Buddha dies. But death happens only to us, not to him, because one who has passed death’s door has an eternal continuity, a timeless continuity.
So do not be concerned with life at all, not even your own life. And if you are not interested in life, then you cannot desire even death, because desire is life. If you become interested in, and desirous of, death, you are again desiring life – because you cannot desire death really. To desire death is an impossibility. How can you desire death? Desire itself means life.
So when I say, “Do not be interested in life too much,” I do not mean, “Be interested in death.” When I say, “Do not be interested in life,” then you become aware of a fact…which is death. But you cannot desire it; it is not a desire really.
When I talk about an open fist, it will be good to understand: you have to close your fist, but you do not have to open it. Opening is not an effort at all; you just do not close it, and it opens. Opening is not an effort; it is not something positive that has to be done. In fact, if you are making an effort to open your fist it will just be a closing in reverse. It may look like an opening, but it is simply the reverse of closing.
Real opening only means no closing – simply no closing; it is a negative phenomenon. If you are not closing your fist, then the fist is open. Now, even if it is closed it is open. The internal closing has dropped, so even if it is closed now – half-closed or whatever – it is open, because the internal closing is not there.
In the same way, a life that is not desiring is not desiring the opposite. Nondesiring is not the opposite of desiring. If it is the opposite, then you have begun to desire again. Rather, nondesiring is just the absence of desiring.
You must feel the distinction. When we say “nondesiring” in words, it becomes the opposite. But nondesiring is not the opposite of desiring; it is simply the absence of desiring, not the opposite. If you make it the opposite, you begin to desire again – you are desiring nondesire – and when this happens, you are back in the same circle.