Never live a controlled life – that is the life of an escapist – but be disciplined. Disciplined not according to me, not according to anybody, but according to your own light. “Be a light unto yourself.” That was Buddha’s last saying before he died; the last thing that he uttered was: “Be a light unto yourself.” That is discipline.
The second question:
Osho, Buddha used to send someone afraid of death to meditate in the cemetery, to make him ready for real meditation. I feel my fear of death as a barrier to my meditation. Where are you going to send me?
There is no need, you have come to the cemetery. This English word cemetery is very beautiful, it comes from the Sanskrit word samadhi. In India samadhi means both: the cemetery, the tomb where a man is buried and also the final realization, the ultimate realization – both, because both are a sort of death.
When you die, it is an ordinary death of the body, but the cluster of the mind survives, goes on taking new births, reincarnates, moves into the wheel of life and death. That is not a total death, it is an ordinary death, a partial death, a part of you dies; but the remaining part is so powerful that it recreates the dead part. A new body is built again. A new body crystallizes again.
Then there is the final death. The final death is only that of a buddha, of one who has known, who has come to know the secret of life, has realized all that life can give – now there is nothing more for him to come back to, he has passed the examination, he returns no more. He dies not only as body, he dies as mind, as ego. He dies completely. Only the inner space remains, and it becomes one with the outer space; the walls between the inner and the outer disappear. We call that, too, samadhi. And the English word originated from samadhi ( the cemetery. No, I am not going to send you anywhere. I am your samadhi, your cemetery, here. You can die in me….
An ordinary cemetery won’t do, you can get accustomed to it. There are people who work in the cemetery, who live there, but they have not become enlightened. They have become accustomed, habituated, the whole scene has become routine. Every day people come, dead bodies are carried, they help to bury them or burn them, and that is that. Then they take their food and they go to sleep – they live an ordinary life.
Maybe just in the beginning if I send you to a cemetery you may be shocked, you may become afraid because the experience is new. But by and by you will settle into it, it is not going to change you much. So I have called you to me. If you look into me you will find your final cemetery. So now there is no need to send you anywhere else.