Paradox is my way – so that you will never be able to cling to anything I say. And you will be grateful one day that I was not consistent, because with a consistent man you can be never in that dimension called enlightenment. With a consistent man you will become a follower, with a consistent man you will become very logical, philosophical. You will have beautiful ideas to propound to the world, you will have a good, established, systematic mind. But that has nothing to do with enlightenment. You can become enlightened only with an utterly inconsistent man.
And when you are able to see what I am doing here then you will be surprised that all my statements are inconsistent and yet there is a consistency in my being. And that consistency is that I am continuously paradoxical, consistently paradoxical, consistently inconsistent. That consistency you will see one day.
On the surface I will say many things and each thing will be against other things and you will not be allowed to possess any idea. I am here to take all ideas from you, not to give you more ideas. As it is, you have already more than enough.
The second question:
The theory that we have to push, force and kick ourselves – is this true? I hate fighting myself.
Look at the question. I go on saying to you that truth is not somewhere else, it is here. You have not to struggle your way towards it. It is through the struggle that you are missing it. You are not to push the river. By pushing the river you will never reach anywhere. You will simply get tired and exhausted.
By pushing the river you are only creating the possibility of your utter failure. You cannot fight with the river. The river is huge – life’s river, the river of existence, is so huge – and you are so tiny. You are just a ripple in the ocean – a ripple trying to fight with the ocean, trying to direct the ocean, trying to achieve a private goal. It is simply ridiculous. And all struggle makes you ridiculous; all struggle makes you tired, exhausted, dull, sad, miserable.
But one thing is there in the struggle – that thing is that you feel you are. The ego feels very good. You are fighting, you are giving a good fight. Maybe you cannot win but nobody can say that you were a coward, nobody can say that you didn’t give a good fight. Maybe you cannot win, or who knows, maybe you can win – the mind goes on thinking in these ways. Maybe others have not won but you may be the exception. Maybe it is left for you to do what others have not done. Give it a good try. The ego will feel good – you are doing something. The bigger the fight, the bigger the ego will be. The more you push the river the more you feel you are. Against the river you feel “I am.” The feeling of “I am” always comes when you are against something. The more you fight and protest, the more you struggle, the more you will feel that you are – defined, well-defined.