The only problem is that you are fooling around with an Indian swami. I have to ask you two questions. Is this Indian swami by any chance called Paramahansa Muktananda? Then avoid this fellow! And he is trying to hide his name, remember it. He is not telling people his name. Now everybody is inquiring about him, “Who is this Paramahansa Muktananda?” Fooling around is okay, but avoid this fellow because with him there is no possibility of enlightenment at all. I have known people who have become enlightened and just by being with this man they have become unenlightened again.
How will you recognize him? He goes on laughing like Jimmy Carter. So you have to watch that. And now because I am saying it, he may try to hide even that, so you can watch him in the night when he sleeps because then he completely forgets, naturally. He has the face, the same diplomatic face, the same stupid face as Jimmy Carter.
Mrs Carter went for a checkup at the dentist’s.
“How is the mouth?” asked the dentist.
“Ah, he is away playing golf this weekend,” she replied.
Otherwise everything is going good. If you can be aware of this Paramahansa Muktananda, then all is perfectly okay with you. I can guarantee your enlightenment.
The third question:
I took sannyas out of the wrong reasons, not out of the heart. I had thought, “As I’m fucked up anyway, I might as well try sannyas.” But the very day after darshan everything changed. Now I feel you in my heart stronger and stronger. Wearing the mala is no longer a sacrifice but a grace and a pleasure. Even some old problems just disappeared. How could the wrong moment prove to be the right one?
You are not aware of your own heart, that’s all. You were thinking that it was not coming out of your heart – it must have come out of your heart, otherwise what has happened would have been impossible. Many people are not aware of their heart for the simple reason that our whole society, culture, education, condition us to bypass the heart; they want us to reach the head as quickly as possible. They try to find a shortcut, and the heart is left on the side. Your energies become completely oblivious of the fact that there is a heart beating inside you. And the physiologists go on saying to you that your heart is nothing but a part of your physiology. Yes, they are right. The heart has two aspects: its outer aspect is part of physiology, its inner aspect is part of your spirituality. The physiologists are concerned only with the outer aspect, but the inner goes on working. Even though you are not aware of it, it works continuously in you. It goes on influencing your life in many ways.