You go on thinking that the other will understand, but it is not the fault of the other. The other is also waiting for you to understand. And it is not your fault either. So there is nothing to understand, you have simply to see and recognize that a relationship as such is bound to end up in a boring, miserable suffering.
The moment it starts happening, if you are alert you will separate…not condemning or complaining against the other, because nobody is really doing anything. It is the relationship’s very nature that it cannot remain the same as it was before the honeymoon ended. It cannot be the same after the honeymoon; the whole world has changed. And as days pass, things that you were dreaming start becoming clear to you – that they were only dreams, they don’t have any reality. Both feel frustrated, and both try to throw the responsibility on the other, so that instead of love, fighting becomes their only relationship.
But the problem is that the man or the woman goes on clinging even though everything is going towards hell. The reason for clinging is the fear of loneliness. It is better to be miserable but with somebody, than to be lonely – because when you are lonely you have to face yourself. And unless you are prepared for a deep meditation, and to see your inner being and transform your loneliness into aloneness, you are going to cling even though it is miserable. And that’s what you were doing, that’s what many are doing.
In fact you proved a pioneer. You created the understanding in many others. After you, many suffering couples have separated. They all owe gratitude towards you. You were the first to take the risk and move out of the relationship. And it is good that you are not angry at me. That’s what ordinarily happens if a man has no intelligence.
I am not going to console you. If I see that things are becoming bitter, I want you to separate. Separate peacefully, separate with respect towards each other; separate in such a way that you don’t become enemies, that at least you remain friends. Separate without hate. Remember the person you have loved at least deserves not to be hated.
But if you go on clinging too long, all love is forgotten, all beautiful moments are forgotten. All that you can remember is misery and misery and misery – every day misery. Then love turns into hate, then everything is poisoned. Then you cannot separate even with grace, and after separation you cannot even think of friendship.
And because I made it clear to you, naturally a man who is not intelligent will start thinking in angry terms against me – that I brought the idea of separation. But you will find that you are happier than you were in the relationship.
Latifa has again been heard, after many, many months, laughing. Yes, this is Latifa! She had forgotten to laugh completely. And now remember never to get into the same trap again. You can have friendships, you can have casual relationships, but never go beyond casualness. Don’t make them permanent. Don’t try to cement your relationship – that will kill you both. Remain free.