But then the cool breeze brings with it the boyfriend, unexpectedly. You were not hoping that he would come so soon! And then everything becomes hot. Mind reminds you – it will remind you again. But you say, “Wait, this boyfriend is going to go back again in three weeks.” It is only a question of three weeks then you can become enlightened again: “Just for three weeks don’t be miserly. Open your heart, let love flow.”
And these boyfriends are such – and particularly in this temple, if one boyfriend disappears, another appears. We don’t make much fuss about asking, “Who are you? What is your name?” When love knocks on the door you open it and receive the guest. Even if he is not German, it will do – at least for the time being until the German returns! And everybody has a spare boyfriend; it is intelligent always to have some spare parts. In this technological age you cannot simply depend without having spares.
So if the real does not appear the spare comes – and this will happen many times until you are really fed up. Then sex does not disappear; then you simply transcend it. It remains where it is. How can it disappear?
Everything remains the same. You are just more mature, more centered, more happy for no reason at all. For the first time your happiness is independent. It does not depend on anybody. For the first time aloneness has a beauty, a tremendous beauty, the beauty which only roses know or the stars.
That day will also come, Turiya, but before it comes these kinds of things will happen many times. Just be a watcher; enjoy these too. It is perfectly good to feel once in a while that sex has disappeared, one feels so clean, as if you have just taken a cool shower. It is beautiful to feel a creativity arising in you; nothing is wrong in it. The trouble is that these are only your dreams, not your realizations. So when they surround you they look as if they are real, but when they disappear leaving you in a dark ditch, you understand that your mind has destroyed everything, doubted. If the mind had not doubted, everything was going so good.
Mind is not disturbing and mind cannot disturb anything real, and mind cannot doubt anything real. Mind doubts only the unreal, the belief, the imagination, the dream – and it is good, it is helpful, it is healthy that the mind by doubting prevents you from falling into the trap of the unreal.
Don’t be in a hurry; otherwise you will start clinging to any dream. Be relaxed. Life itself prepares the ground. Its experiences itself bring the maturity and the moment in which you are transformed. Then there is no mind to doubt, then there is no question about it. The real has never been questioned.
Do you think when Gautam Buddha became enlightened his mind said, “Just think over it; it may be just a dream.” Not for a split second can truth be doubted once you should encounter it.
Your doubt is perfectly healthy and your experience is perfectly normal. But one day the real will arrive, because you are searching, seeking, honestly and sincerely with your totality. That day you will not find mind anywhere.