That’s why all love affairs fail, they are bound to fail. From the very beginning we have managed everything in such a way that love cannot succeed. Where can you find your mother or your father? It is impossible, because there are no two persons who are exactly alike, but this remains the unconscious search. Every time you fall in love with a man or a woman you are again hoping that this woman is going to prove to be your mother. This is not conscious, of course, it is a deep, unconscious imprint. But soon you will discover that she does not fit with your unconscious imprint – and the conflict starts, and you start falling apart. No man can be your father, no woman can be your mother.
Now if this so-called family continues, then love cannot succeed in the world. And without love there can be no bliss, without love misery is our fate. We have chosen misery if we choose the family.
A commune is a totally different phenomenon. In a commune there will be no obsessions with particular people. Here there are at least three hundred little sannyasins, boys and girls. Many small boys and girls never turn up in the night to stay with the father and the mother – they have so many uncles and aunts. The whole commune is theirs! And small children in this commune start having an individuality of their own, they start moving on their own. They are not attached to the mother, to the father, to the family; they go on moving with different people. And their fathers and mothers are not obsessed with each other either.
Just the other day Teertha’s daughter, Soma, wrote to me: “Osho, I am going to England for one month to be with my mother, Punem. Of course I will miss you, I will miss Teertha, and I will miss my stepmother, Krishna….” This is beautiful, to miss the stepmother!
Parents are changing, they are in a flux. The child will come across many stepmothers, many stepfathers. He will never become obsessed with one person. That will give him scope, freedom, multi-dimensionality. He will never be tethered. He will be able to experience many women as mothers, many men as fathers, and he will live in a flux, in a moving riverlike phenomenon. He will not live in a pond, he will float in a river where scenes go on changing. That will help him to have the capacity to love many people, and he will have a more composite view of what kind of a woman or man he would like to have in his life. All his mothers will give him a synthetic vision. There will be no single woman in it but many women, many qualities all mingled into one, all merged into one. He will be able to succeed in finding love in his life because there is no obsession with any person, with any personality. He will be more concerned with qualities and less concerned with personalities. And he will know that there is no need to be possessive because he has known the parents were not possessive; everything was shifting and changing, lifelike.
Marriage is dead. It is a fixed entity, it is a commodity, it is like a thing – it is furniture. It is not like a rosebush growing: today it is full of flowers, tomorrow all the flowers are gone; today it is so green, and tomorrow the leaves start getting yellow and they start falling. He will see all the seasons, all the moods, all the conflicts, all the agonies, all the ecstasies, and he will become more centered, grounded. He will know that life is not a fixed phenomenon. He will not expect anything because life is not fixed. He will be available to all kinds of changes. He will be able to change with life, he will never fall out of step. He will be always in tune with life.