These are the three stages of the mind: unconscious, conscious, super-conscious. Unconscious is material, super-conscious is immaterial, and conscious is just midway. If you fall backwards, it is sex that goes on in the name of love; it is ninety-nine percent not love, only one percent love. What we call love is fifty percent love and fifty percent something else. And what we call prayerfulness is ninety-nine percent love, only one percent something else.
And in the ultimate stage, love even transcends prayerfulness; then it is pure silence. Then there are no more tears, no more dance, no more singing; all has disappeared. One simply is.
As your love grows you will come to understand many things in your being which have remained unknown to you. Love will provoke higher realms in you, and you will feel yourself very strange.
So, you are right. You say,
“Memory can’t recall your face,
so love comes faceless.
Unfamiliar is the part of me
that loves you.
She has no name,
and she comes and goes.
And when gone,
I wipe my tear-stained face,
so that it remains a secret.”
Your love is entering into the world of prayerfulness. It is tremendously significant, because beyond prayerfulness there is only godliness. Prayerfulness is the last rung of the ladder of love. Once you have stepped beyond that, it is nirvana; it is liberation.
The second question:
Why am I so scared of dying in you?
You are unnecessarily scared, because dying has already happened. It is no longer a question of future – it is already past.
The day you became a sannyasin, you died, you died to your old identity. The day you became a sannyasin, you were reborn. Something new has come into being. It is just an old idea that you are carrying; now there is no question of fear, you cannot die because you have died, it has already happened.
Sannyas is a death and a resurrection: death of all that you have been, and resurrection of all that you are but you have never been; death to the past, and an opening for the present, death to all that you have called your identity: name, form…and entering into a world nameless, formless.
It has already happened!