Why are you so hopeless about love? The same problem will come with prayerfulness, because prayerfulness means love with the whole, the cosmos. So go deeper into the problem of love and solve it before you think about prayerfulness. Otherwise your prayerfulness will be false; it will be a deception. Of course only you are deceived, nobody else. There is no God listening to your prayer. Unless your prayerfulness is love, the whole will remain deaf. It cannot open in any other way: love is the key.
So what is the problem? Why does one feel so hopeless about love? Too much ego will not allow you to love anybody: too egocentric, too selfish, self-oriented, self-obsessed – then love will not be possible because one has to bend a little and one has to lose one’s territory a little. One has to surrender a little in love. Howsoever little, but one has to surrender a part. And in certain moments one has to surrender completely.
To surrender to the other is the problem. You would like the other to surrender to you, but the other is also in the same plight. Two egos, when they meet, try that the other should surrender, and both are trying the same. Love becomes a hopeless thing.
Love is not to force the other to surrender to you. It is hate that forces the other to surrender to you: that is the nature of hate, because to force the other to surrender to you is to destroy the other. It is a sort of murder. Love is to surrender yourself to the other, not because you are forced to surrender, no. It is a voluntary thing – you simply enjoy it – not that you are forced. Never surrender to anybody who is forcing you to surrender because that will be suicide. Never surrender to anybody who is manipulating you because that will be slavery, not love. Surrender on your own, and the quality immediately changes.
When you surrender on your own it is a gift, a gift of the heart. And when you surrender on your own, voluntarily, you simply give yourself to the other; something for the first time opens in your heart. For the first time you have a glimpse of love. You have only heard the word, you don’t know what it means. Love is one of those words everybody uses and nobody knows what it means.
There are a few words like prayerfulness, love, godliness, meditation… You can use these words, but you don’t know what their meaning is because their meaning is not in the dictionary. Otherwise, you can consult a dictionary; that is not difficult. Their meaning is in a certain way of life. Their meaning is in a certain transformation within you. Their meaning is not linguistic; their meaning is existential. Unless you know by experience, you don’t know – and there is no other way to know it. When you surrender on your own, unconditionally – because if there is any condition it is not a surrender at all, then it is a bargain. Even if there is this condition: “I will surrender to you if you surrender to me,” then too it is not a surrender. It may be business, a bargain, but not surrender.