Love is not a technique, so nobody can teach you how to love. And if you come across books which say that they can teach you how to love, beware of those books. If you once learn the techniques of love you will never be able to love again. Those techniques will become a barrier. Love is a natural spontaneous phenomenon. Even animals are loving – they don’t have Kinseys and Masters and Johnsons and they are achieving orgasm perfectly, without any scientific help. They don’t have any sex therapists and they don’t go to any guru to be taught how to love. It is an inborn quality. Each being born brings it with himself.
There are a few things which you bring with your birth. A child is born…nobody can teach the child how to breathe. If it depended on teaching then nobody would be able to be alive, because time would be needed to teach the child. He would first have to be sent to school, taught language, disciplined, and then finally, after at least seven, eight or ten years, we would be able to teach him how to breathe – he doesn’t understand even the word breathe. No, it doesn’t depend on any teaching. The child is born with the capacity to breathe; it is inborn. It is as inborn as a flower on a bush. It is as inborn as water rushing towards the ocean – naturally.
The moment a child is born the whole being of the child hankers, becomes hungry for breath – not knowing what is happening because the child has never breathed before. Nobody has ever taught him, he has never done it, he has no experience about it – it simply happens.
In exactly the same way, one day, at the age of fourteen, the child starts feeling a tremendous attraction towards the other sex. Nobody has taught it; in fact, teachers have been teaching against it. The whole human history seems to be a teaching against sexuality, against sex energy. Religions, cultures, civilizations, priests and politicians – they have all been teaching how to suppress sex. But still it cannot be suppressed. It seems it is impossible to suppress it.
It is a natural phenomenon. It arises. It arises even when you are against it – see the truth of it. Even when you are against it, it arises in spite of you. It is bigger than you. You cannot control it. It is natural.
Hasidism says that if a man starts living a natural life, one day, suddenly, the love of existence arises as naturally as love for the woman or love for the man arises; as naturally as breathing arises after birth. That precious moment cannot be managed; you cannot plan for it, you cannot prepare for it, there is no need. You simply live a natural life. Don’t fight with nature, float with it, and one day suddenly you will see that the grace has descended on you. A tremendous urge has arisen in your being, a new love towards existence – call it God. Because when love arises, existence becomes personal. Then it is no more ‘it’; it becomes ‘thou’. Then it is a relationship between ‘I’ and ‘thou’.
Hasidism simply says don’t be unnatural and prayerfulness will be born on its own accord. It has no techniques. And that’s the beauty of it.
If you have missed the natural flowering of prayerfulness – then techniques are needed. Meditation is a substitute for prayerfulness; it is second to prayerfulness. If you have missed prayerfulness then meditation is needed, but if prayerfulness has arisen in you then there is no need for any meditation. Prayerfulness is spontaneous meditation; meditation is prayer with effort. Prayerfulness with technique is meditation; meditation without technique is prayerfulness.