She said, “When you are enjoying something, why not exaggerate?”
My own experience of people who are always saying that they have gone astray in their youth, have forgotten God, have not listened to the advice of the wise ones, is the same: I have always seen their faces aglow. They are enjoying it again. It is not just memory; they are reliving it again. In their mind, these are two different things. A memory is mechanical: two plus two is four, this is memory. But, remembering they made love to a woman or a man, I have seen them excited and their face becoming red and their eyes again becoming young, shining. This is not regret; they are reliving it.
So even in people’s regret, repentance, there is something that gives them pleasure, but it is hidden underneath. So, on the surface they are trying to become saints, and deep in their psyche they are enjoying something that they cannot live anymore. Those days are gone, that energy is gone, but they can at least relive it. But if they relive it directly, everybody will condemn them; so confession, repentance, regret, is a good excuse. In this way the confessor enjoys – and the priest too.
I have heard… A woman was describing that she has been raped. The father, the priest, knew that the woman was a beautiful woman. He told her, “This is very bad. You should have resisted; you should have done everything to prevent it.”
She said, “I tried, but half-heartedly. That’s why I have come to confess. Because otherwise it is not my sin – somebody else has raped me. He should have come to confess, but I have come to confess. Although I was trying, my effort was half-hearted; deep down I wanted to be raped.”
At this moment the priest was also an ordinary human being, not an enlightened Gautam Buddha. He said, “The case is too serious; come to my room. First I want to understand the exact details of what he did.”
The woman said, “He told me to undress.”
The priest said, “So did you undress?”
She said, “I undressed.”
The priest said, “This is strange, if you knew that he was going to rape you…”
She said, “I never knew that he was going to rape me. I thought perhaps some medical examination or something… So I undressed.”
The priest said, “Do it, so that I can see how you did it.”
She undressed. The priest kissed the woman and asked, “Did he do this?”
The woman said, “Yes, father, but he did more.”
So he started playing with her breasts, and asked, “Did he do that?”
She said, “Yes father, but he did more.”