If you embrace somebody with love and they return the embrace, you find it convenient to love that person, because the response is exciting and enlivens you. So a chain is created. As far as you are concerned, the problem with the pillow is that you remain alone. The pillow will not respond; you will have to create everything yourself. But this difficulty is not confined to sexual feelings, it applies equally to anger or to any other feeling. Within a short time – just a few days – you will not be hampered by this problem, and then you will laugh because you will come to see that all the people you have embraced up to now were really no more than pillows for you. They too were just mediums.
There are several difficulties to love becoming your meditation in your own aloneness. The difficulties are of conditionings. There are things you have been taught ever since you were a child, and they will create a hindrance. For example, if a man expresses his sexual passion on a pillow it is quite possible that he will ejaculate. So there is fear. You have been taught to regard the spilling of semen as dangerous. Since childhood you have been taught that even to let fall a single drop of semen is a great loss of life-energy. Hindus believe that a single drop of semen is equivalent to forty days’ meals! This is simply a lie, there is not even a trace of truth in it. It is just a trick to frighten children, and sure enough, children become afraid.
But of course, the adults are also afraid. In a lifetime of seventy years, a normal man can easily have sex four thousand times, and with each ejaculation anything between ten million and a hundred million sperms are ejected from his body. So if each and every sperm were to find its way into the womb, the result could equal the population of the world. A single man and woman could produce four billion people! This semen is not accumulated within your body, it is not stored so that the balance of semen is reduced if some is released; it is constantly in the process of being created. As your body takes in food and oxygen the semen is created.
The findings of modern Western medical science will certainly astonish you; they are very different and opposite to what you have been told. They maintain that the more a man uses his semen, the longer his manhood remains. If a man stops using his semen, if he stops having intercourse, his semen will gradually disappear…because as long as you are using the semen your whole organism will be involved in producing more. If the body no longer needs to be engaged in this process because you stop ejaculating semen, the body’s capacity to produce semen will gradually decline. This will look quite contradictory: the more one goes into intercourse the longer he remains capable of intercourse; the less one goes into intercourse the sooner his capacity to go into it is finished. So the Western doctors say that there is a higher probability of living a longer life if you continue having sex even up to your old age, your sixties and seventies – even in your nineties! – because then your body will remain fresh. If some semen leaves your body new semen is created, and the new semen is fresh, vigorous. The old semen grows stale and inert, and the body too falls into a state of inertia.