Never ask such questions. At least be honest about your questions. If they are there, then ask. And I know the question is there, but you don’t even want to take the responsibility for it. The question is valid – but you start by an “if”? Can’t you say that “this is my problem”? You want it to appear theoretical? You want it to appear impersonal? Then you will miss the answer – because I don’t give answers to theoretical questions.
This is not a philosophy class – I am not teaching you philosophy – I am teaching you life, not a philosophy of life, but life itself.
Remember: when you ask a question, let it be true. Don’t camouflage it, don’t cover it. Don’t try to be clever with me, otherwise you will be at a loss.
It may have happened unconsciously; I am not saying that you have put that ‘if’ consciously. You are not that conscious, I know. It must have happened mechanically. You may have learnt the trick of how to ask questions – and remain aloof, and detached, and out of them.
This is not the way to write or ask a question! – with me at least. You have to be in your question. I am going to be in my answer, and if you are not in your question, where and how shall we meet? If I am in my answer, I am absolutely there.
You have to be in your question – only then is the meeting possible. And the meeting is the solution – not the answer, not the question: the meeting. The point where my consciousness touches your consciousness. But if you are not in your question and I answer it, how am I going to touch your consciousness? You will be absent! I will be knocking on a door where you are not.
Don’t be so much afraid of the answer. Be authentic. Be existential! Let the question have the flavor of your being! Let the question have a life – it should have a heart which beats, it should breathe! Then only is there some possibility….
You kill the question from the very beginning: “if?”
“If my mind still controls…” as if it is not controlling and you are asking for others’ sake.
“If my mind still controls…” and just watch how many times in such a small sentence “I,” “my,” “mine,” have come.
“If my mind still controls and blocks my feelings, how do I discover what is the next appropriate step for me to take?”
With so much I, whatever step you take will be wrong. With so much I, a right step cannot be taken at all. The I is the poison. It will destroy whatsoever you do.
With so much I, if you love, your love will turn into hatred. With so much I, if you meditate, your meditation will be nothing but a madness inside. With so much I, if you look at the flowers, you will not see the beauty.
The I is ugly, and it creates ugliness all around it.