The first question:
In one of your lectures something has hit me hard. It is the contradiction between trusting myself and trusting you. There is a part of me that says: if I trust my own self and follow my own self, then I have surrendered and said yes to you. But I am not sure whether that is just a rationalization I have created for myself.
The mind is very cunning, and that has to be constantly remembered. This is what I have been saying to you: that if you trust yourself, you will trust me. Or, from the other side, if you trust me you will naturally trust yourself. The contradiction does not exist. The contradiction arises because of the mind. If you trust yourself you trust all, because you trust life. You trust even those who will deceive you, but that is irrelevant. That is their problem; it is not your problem. Whether they deceive you or they don’t deceive you, it has nothing to do with your trust. If you say, “My trust exists only with a condition that nobody tries to deceive me,” then your trust cannot exist because every possibility will create a certain hesitation in you: “Who knows? – the person may deceive me.” How can you see the future? The deception will happen in the future, if it happens, or if it does not happen, that too is in the future – and trust has to be herenow.
And sometimes a very good man can deceive you. A saint can become a sinner at any moment. And sometimes a very bad man can be very deeply trustworthy. After all, sinners become saints. But that is in the future, and if you make a condition for your trust, then you cannot trust. Trust is unconditional. It simply says that, “I have that quality which trusts. Now, it is irrelevant what happens to my trust – whether it is respected or not, whether it is deceived or not. That is not the point at all.” Trust has nothing to do with the object of trust, it has something to do with your inner quality: can you trust? If you can trust, of course the first trust will happen about yourself – you trust yourself. The first thing has to happen at the deepest core of your being. If you don’t trust yourself then everything is very far away. Then I am very far away from you. How can you trust me? You have not trusted even yourself who is so close. And how can you trust your trust about me if you don’t trust yourself? If you don’t trust yourself, whatsoever you do, a deep mistrust will continue as an undercurrent. If you trust yourself, you trust the whole life – not only me, because why only me? Trust is all-inclusive. Trust means: trust in life, the whole that surrounds you, the whole out of which you have come, and the whole into which one day you will dissolve.