Realizing that this was not working he tried another approach. He drew himself up to his full height and began. “Fellow pioneers! I want you to know that when I became president, the country’s economy stood on the edge of an abyss. I am proud to tell you that since then we have made a brave step forward!”
When you are old, there is no step forward, just an abyss, abysmal. Only the meditator knows there is no death. His certainty that there is no death is not based on scriptures, borrowed knowledge – because such things cannot be based on scriptures and borrowed knowledge.
Nothing helps except your own realization. And the old woman particularly becomes very frustrated. She was so much loved, so much appreciated. Now nobody looks at her; hence her fear of death becomes many times greater than man’s.
Frank was talking to his wife Alice, while the little old lady sat in the living room, knitting.
“Now look, Alice,” he whispered, “I don’t want to sound harsh, but your mother has been living with us for twenty years now. Isn’t it about time she got an apartment of her own?”
“My mother?” gasped Alice. “I thought she was your mother.”
They have not even bothered to inquire whose mother she is, and for twenty-five years…. This shows a deep ignoring, tolerating.
But this is not going to happen to you. You are already on the right path and the symptom of death arising in the morning is very indicative that your meditation is going deeper and making you aware that the ego is not you. Your sleep is perfectly good, your day is perfectly good – so why is it happening only in the morning?
It is because the whole night you are enjoying a silent, meditative state, but as you wake up the old habit of getting identified with the ego grips you. A silent knowledge that this ego is going to die and “I am this ego” makes you afraid, worried, anxious.
But the situation is very clear: If you understand what I am saying you should rejoice that this fear of death is coming at the right moment. The morning is the right moment.
In India for centuries we have a word sandhya, for prayer. Sandhya means twilight. In the evening when the day turns into night and in the morning, when the night turns into day, there is such a tremendous change that these are the two points chosen by India to be alert, conscious – because if you can be conscious in these two moments your meditation will become perfect very easily. Because of the shifting gears as the day moves into night, in the night you are no longer an ego.