This fit is something very similar to the fits of Ramakrishna. He is the only mystic in the East who used to go into unconsciousness with any slight provocation. Somebody would start singing a song of devotion to God and that was enough…in the middle of the road, in the traffic of Calcutta – which is the maddest in the whole world! What you see in Bombay is the best in India; if you want to see the real thing, go to Calcutta! It is simply crazy. It was so difficult to take Ramakrishna from one place to another place because even if somebody said “Jai Ramji” – that is a common greeting in India, “Victory to the God, Ram” – that would be enough, Ramakrishna would fall flat on the ground. Just the name of Rama…he was so sensitive, his system had developed to such a delicate vulnerability, that even a small triggering and he would be in samadhi.
Doctors were called and they were in the same difficulty, they could not figure it out: the man was perfectly healthy, there was no reason for him to become unconscious, and it remained a mystery to the physicians. But the reason why it remained a mystery to them was that they were not ready to look from a different perspective. It is not the kind of fit in which you become unconscious because the quantity of consciousness in you is so small. Some shock – your wife dies, your business goes bankrupt – just a slight shock is enough because there is not much energy, you are not very conscious. It is just a small amount of energy, it can be crushed by any accident. This is the nature of the ordinary fit: you lose your conscious energy and only unconsciousness remains.
As far as the questioner is concerned, it is happening totally differently. It was happening totally differently to Ramakrishna. It is not that your consciousness disappears and you become unconscious; on the contrary, so much consciousness descends that you are not able to cope with it. Your mind is simply in a state as if suddenly frozen…so much is showering and your mind has no experience, no discipline to manage it. It is too much, and because of too much consciousness, it will be felt on the outside that you are having a fit.
The symptoms are the same. Only one thing is different and that is what happens after the fit – that is decisive. If it is a fit where consciousness has disappeared the man will find himself utterly weak, sad, feeling as if he has died and is coming back to life again. He will not have any memory that he has been unconscious for two hours, but his whole body will show symptoms that he has passed through a trauma, a painful trauma.
If it is not a fit but a glimpse of samadhi, the person will wake up rejuvenated, young again, fresh as he has never been – absolutely silent, peaceful, with a clarity to things.
Even your question has that clarity. The question has not come out of your confusion but out of your clarity.
Rejoice, and allow those fits. Don’t try to control them, don’t even make an effort to control. Rather, try to be awake while the fit is there. Slowly, slowly you will become capable of being awake while the fit is there, and then there is no fit because you are no longer unconscious and there is no discontinuity in your consciousness. It is a continuous flow…growing, flowering, becoming wider and bigger.