The first question:
What made a loving disciple like Peter, who started from innocence, turn into the cunning first pope and become the founder of Christianity?
Is it possible to lose one’s innocence once the love relationship with the master is established?
There are many things to be understood. The first is: the love between the master and the disciple is not a relationship. In a relationship the two remain two, in a relationship the egos are not dissolved. A relationship is simply a relationship between two egos. The love between the master and the disciple is a non-relationship in that sense, because there are no egos involved in it, there is nobody to relate.
The master is already a zero, a nothingness, a tremendous emptiness, pure space. The disciple, coming slowly slowly closer to this nothingness, starts disappearing, evaporating. A moment comes when these two spaces are not two any more. They have lost their boundaries, just like a dewdrop slipping from a lotus leaf into the lake. Will you call it a relationship between the dewdrop and the lake? It cannot be called a relationship because the dewdrop has become the lake, the lake has become the dewdrop.
One of the great mystics, Kabir says:
Herat herat he sakhi, raha kabir herai –
I was searching and searching and searching, and a miracle happened – the searcher disappeared, and that was the moment when there was no seeker, no searcher – that it was found.
It is a far more profound and pregnant statement than Jesus’ statement: “Seek and ye shall find, ask and it shall be given unto you, knock and the doors shall be thrown open to you.” That is very primary.
Kabir’s statement is: “I was seeking and seeking, but because I was there as a seeker I was not finding it…I was the problem – not that it was far away, not that it was arduous. It was just in front of me! It was all around, it was everywhere. There was no need to seek and search, but because my eyes were closed by my ego – the seeker itself was the hindrance – that’s why I was not finding it. But a moment came when the seeker evaporated and it was there, in all its beauty and benediction.”