You are relaxed. For the first time you know what relaxation is, because it is now a part of the happening. It is not the American way of relaxation. There is a book in America titled You Must Relax. Now that must destroys everything. Nobody can manage it.
But in discipleship – because it is a happening – simultaneously many things will be triggered in you which are of a similar nature. Relaxation will happen. For the first time you will feel so light and without any tensions.
Trust will happen for the first time without any reason. A deep “yes” to existence, whatever it brings: it may bring life, more life; it may bring death – but it doesn’t matter. As far as your yes is concerned, nothing matters; your yes is unconditional. It arises in you and fills your heart. Then you live an unworried, non-tense life without any goal, without any desire to achieve anything. Naturally you become just like a child, utterly innocent.
Love happens for the first time, a love which is not against hate. This love cannot be turned into hate. It is outside of the duality of the ordinary experiences of life. A compassion comes to you, a compassion even for things which you have always thought were dead. It is not a question of the object of compassion, it is a question of the subject full of compassion. For example, this light bulb is not bothered whether its light is falling on dead things or on living beings. It is unconcerned, it is just its nature. And love, when it is natural, never turns into hate. And a great feeling comes when you have found it.
Discipleship is no ordinary experience. So remember: neither can I make you a sannyasin, nor can you make yourself a sannyasin. I can give you the direction, the incentive, and you have to work hard to exhaust yourself completely, not holding anything back, knowing perfectly well that this is not going to give you disciplehood. But in a way it is going to give – because when you have done everything that you can do, a silence descends on you, the effort drops. You are in a state of non-action, and in that state, in that moment, the blossoming of discipleship…suddenly so many flowers surround you, so much fragrance, so much light.
You will feel grateful to the master. He has not given it to you, but without him there would have been no direction. And you will feel thankful for all the efforts that you made because without them you would not have come to this sudden stop where time and space both stand still.
And once it has happened, once you have tasted it, then you know the way just like you know where your room is. Even in darkness you can reach it, even with closed eyes you can find it. The experience is so beautiful, so wholesome, that you would like to have it again and again.
Slowly, slowly it will become so natural that outsiders cannot understand it. Just seeing the master, it will be triggered; just seeing the picture of the master on your locket, it may be triggered; or just remembering the master, it may be triggered – anything connected with the master, any word….