Psychologically, the search for truth, for God, for home, is nothing but an effort to be again connected with the universe. It is a search for the mother’s womb. Of course you cannot find your mother’s womb, but you can find the existential womb. The whole existence can become the womb for you – nourishment, life, relaxation, silence. This is religion.
Christianity is not religion; Hinduism and Mohammedanism are not religions. In the whole history of man very few people have experienced religion, although everybody has been a member of some religion.
The strange phenomenon is that those who experienced religion were the people who renounced the religion into which they were born – that was the barrier. Something false was given to you when you were so innocent and so trusting that you believed – “This is the truth.” And when you think you have the truth, there is no question of inquiry, there is no question of searching.
This is how the whole of humanity is blocked, remains unevolved, remains blind, dark, in a kind of coma. And these people go on producing children; naturally, whatever they know they share with their children. If they are Christians they drag you to the church, if they are Hindus they drag you to the temple.
What happened with you – and this is not only your story, this is the story of most of the young sannyasins who are somehow dependent on their parents – was that you found something that felt as if “This is the path.” And the feeling was so total, there was no doubt anywhere in your consciousness. To me, this is conversion. Not a Hindu becoming a Christian; that is stupidity. Not a Christian becoming a Hindu; that is simply changing your prisons, changing your superstitions. It is just moving from one darkness into another. Perhaps the newness may have a little appeal, but for how long? The new will become old tomorrow.
But you came here, and suddenly your heart fell in tune with the mysterious change that is happening here.
Naturally, your parents at home forced you to drop sannyas, threatened you legally, and of course parents can threaten you. And it is a good experience; in this way you know your parents in their reality. They can take away all your legal rights to their property, they can disown you, and the whole society is with them – the government is with them, the school authorities are with them, and wherever you go you will be treated as an outsider.
Naturally a child is not in a position to fight. He has to agree, although what he is agreeing to is not from love of the parents but from fear. It is not because of intimacy with the parents, but because of their blackmail.
They have lived without religion, they don’t know the real taste. They have never been drunk with the divine. They are too much in the world, they know only the mundane. They have never raised their eyes upwards to see the stars. There is no challenge in their life and a man is dead if he has no challenge in his life. It is the challenge that proves that you are alive – just breathing and temperature and heartbeats do not prove that you are alive, they only prove that the body is still alive. Whether you are alive or not is a different question.