Asanga means alone. So alone, like a Himalayan peak. So absolutely alone that the other is not needed. That doesn’t mean that you will not love. In fact only a person who does not need the other can be loving. When the need disappears then love arises. If you need the other, you use him. Then all your love is a sort of manipulation, a deep exploitation, because you are using the other as a means. Because you cannot be alone and you need somebody to fill your loneliness, you talk about love, but it is not really love. You are using the other, and love can never use the other. For love, the other is the end and can never be reduced to a means. This is the highest morality there is: when the other is the end and not a means.
Only a person who is absolutely alone, who is capable of aloneness, can be capable of love – because it is not a need. On the contrary, love is an overflow. It is not a relationship; it becomes a state of being. You may be sitting alone in a room but love goes on flowing. There may be nobody to share it, but it goes on flowing. It is just like a flower that blooms on a path where nobody passes, but still it goes on sending its fragrance to the air, to the winds. Or a star at night – nobody is looking at it, but it goes on shining. Whether you are with somebody or alone makes no difference then. It is a state of being.
I have given you the name Asanga for all these reasons. You have to learn to be alone. I am not saying that you have to escape from the other, no. I am saying that you have to realize yourself. Don’t escape from yourself to the other.
That is going to be your life work: to attain to a purity of aloneness where love can become a state and not a relationship.
That is freedom – what we in India have been calling moksha, nirvana, the last word in freedom – where you don’t need the other; where love is not a need but has become an overflowing of energies. So keep it in mind. Good(.
All day, all the time, I hear myself saying the same thing over and over again. I’m just desperate.
Accept it. Accept it, because mind is a mechanism. Mind is repetitive and it can never invent a single original thought, never. That is not the capacity of the mind, so you are asking something that is not possible. And because you go on asking, you become more and more frustrated about it. Mind can only repeat that which it knows.
It is as if you feed a computer and then you expect that that computer is going to give you something that you have not fed into it. It cannot. The mind is a biocomputer: You feed it with something, it goes on repeating it. It is a parrot.
So the first thing to understand is that this is the nature of the mind. It is not something peculiar happening to you. Once you understand this – that the mind is repetitive – you drop the effort, and suddenly you see that you are separate from the mind. You are not the mind. So the real thing is to accept the mind and grow into a deep unconcern.
Who is it that is aware that the mind goes on repeating, that asks that it should stop? Just become aware of that. You are that.