We approach death with so much distress that we become unconscious before death. We do not experience death consciously. This is why, even though we have died many times, we are unaware of the process of death. Once you know what death is, then the very idea that you can die will never arise. Then the event of death will take place and you will be standing aside watching it. But this happens only with full consciousness.
So death can be good fortune for one person and grace can be misfortune for another. Therefore spiritual growth is twofold: we have to call, invoke, search and move, and at the same time we have to prepare ourselves for the event so that when light reaches our door we are not blinded by it. If you remember what I have told you in the beginning there won’t be any difficulty. If you take the ultimate to be a person you will find yourself in great difficulty; if you take it as energy there won’t be any difficulty.
This concept of the ultimate as a person has caused a great deal of difficulty. The mind desires it to be a person so that we can transfer all responsibility onto him, and having made him responsible we start to place the burden of every small thing onto him. If a man finds a job he thanks God; if he loses his job he becomes angry with God. If a man gets a blister he suspects it to be the doing of God; if it heals he thanks God. We never consider how we are employing God; we do not even think how egocentric this attitude is, in which we assume that God should even worry about our blisters.
If we lose a coin on the road and happen to find it, we say, “By the grace of God I found it.” We want God to keep our accounts to the last rupee. This idea satisfies our mind because then we can stand at the center of the world. Then our dealings with existence are similar to that of a servant before a master. We expect it to stand guard at our door and take care of our possessions to the last coin. The advantage of considering the ultimate as a person is that responsibility can be placed upon him easily.
But a seeker takes responsibility upon himself. In fact, to be a seeker means to hold no one but oneself responsible for everything. If there is sorrow in my life I am responsible, and if there is happiness in my life I am responsible. If I am tranquil it is I who am responsible; if I am restless it is my own making. There is no one but myself who is responsible for whatsoever state I am in. If I fall and break my leg it is my own fault and I cannot blame gravity. If this is the attitude of the mind, then you will have understood rightly. Then the meaning of a mishap will be different.
For this reason, I say that grace is beneficial and it is a blessing to a person who is well prepared for it. In fact there is a time for everything. There is a special moment for each event, and to miss this moment is a great tragedy.
In one of your talks you said that the effect of shaktipat diminishes gradually; thus the seeker must maintain a regular contact with the medium. Does this not mean dependency upon some person in the form of a guru?