What happens ordinarily is that the moment you are on a separate path, you start finding fault with me to justify why you are separate; and instead of being grateful you start being revengeful. You feel as if you have been cheated for so long, exploited, deceived. And then the wheel turns completely; where there was love, hate arises.
This is the ordinary human mind; either it can love or it can hate. When it loves it finds all the rationalizations to love, when it hates it finds all the rationalizations to hate. And when it hates it forgets completely those moments of love and gratitude.
To avoid your being sometime hateful towards me, I go on insisting: don’t be grateful towards me. If you are not grateful towards me, even if you separate you will not be revengeful towards me – as if we were two strangers who walked on the way for a time and then our paths separated.
Right now it will be very hurtful even to think this. You are asking me not to say it again…. But you know those people also, who had also been in the same state of gratefulness as you are. But small things, very trivial, and your hate which has been waiting – while you were showing your love, your hate was hiding behind it, just waiting for the moment when your love disappears for any reason…then the hate comes with full vengeance. And just because you have to justify yourself, you even create lies – not knowingly, not consciously.
You have seen Shiva sitting here for almost seven years, and his gratitude was as deep as it can be. He would have died to save me. But you are not aware of the whole of your own mind. He came to the commune in America, but the whole setup had changed. He wanted, there too, to sit by my side, to have the same power. He used to think that he loved me – if he had loved me, then there would not have been any problem. He loved his own power. He was the chief guard in the ashram, but by the time he reached the commune, other guards, more efficient, had taken his place. He was not made the chief guard. Then all his love disappeared, all gratitude disappeared.
He has written a book against me now, full of lies, with no foundation in truth. But he has to justify why he has left. Still he is blind, still he cannot see that it was power that was keeping him here and it is power that is now taking revenge.
I have no complaint against anybody, but I understand your whole mind. You don’t understand your whole mind. You only understand the part that is on the surface in this moment.
The whole commune was created by Sheela. And she did hard and great work – there is nothing except appreciation. But deep down she was very much worried, because she had taken the place of Laxmi – and the fear was natural that somebody else could take her place.