Transcend marriage. It is not a question of legality, formality, family – all that nonsense. Needed, because you live in a society, but transcend; don’t be finished at that. And don’t try to possess a person. Don’t start feeling that the other is the husband – you have reduced the beauty of the person into an ugly thing: husband. Never say that this woman is your wife – the stranger is no longer there; you have reduced it to a very profane level, to a very ordinary level of things. Wives and husbands belong to the world. Lovers belong to the other shore.
Remember the sacredness and holiness of the other. Never impinge on it; never trespass it. A lover is always hesitant. He always gives you space to be yourself. He is grateful; he never feels that you are his possession. He is thankful that sometimes in rare moments you allow him your innermost shrine to enter and to be with you. He is always thankful.
But husbands and wives are always complaining, never thankful – always fighting. And if you watch their fight it is ugly. The whole beauty of love disappears. Only a very ordinary reality exists: the wife, the husband, the children, and the day-to-day routine. The unknown no longer touches it. That’s why you will see dust gathers around – a wife looks dull, a husband looks dull. Life has lost meaning, vibrancy, significance. It is no longer poetry; it has become gross.
Love is poetry. Marriage is ordinary prose, good for ordinary communication. If you are purchasing vegetables, good; but if you are looking at the sky and talking to God, not enough – poetry is needed. Ordinary life is proselike. A religious life is poetrylike: a different rhythm, a different meter, something of the unknown and the mysterious.
I am not in favor of marriage. Don’t misunderstand me – I am not saying to live with people unmarried. Do whatsoever the society wants to be done, but don’t take it as the whole. That is just the periphery; go beyond it. And I tell you to get married if I feel that this is what you need.
In fact if I feel that you need to go in hell I would allow you – and push you – to go in hell, because that is what you need, and that is how you will grow.
The third question:
I have been here four weeks now and I still cannot cope with the misery on the street other than by closing myself off. So whatsoever I loosen up in the ashram seems to get lost when I cycle home.
Please say something about this.