The tree needs all the climates and all the seasons. Yes, it needs the burning hot summer and it needs the ice-cold winter. It needs the daylight, the sun showering on it, and it needs the silence of night so it can close into itself and go into deep sleep. It needs silent, cheerful, joyful days, it needs gloomy, cloudy days too. It grows through all these dialectics.
Love is a dialectic. Alone you cannot grow. Remember always that if you are in love, then don’t avoid commitment, don’t avoid involvement. Then go totally into it. Then don’t just stand on the periphery ready to escape if things get too troublesome.
And love is a sacrifice too. You have to sacrifice much…your ego. You have to sacrifice your ambition, you have to sacrifice your privacy, you have to sacrifice your secrets; you have to sacrifice many things. So just to be in a romantic love needs no sacrifice. But when there is no sacrifice there is no growth.
Love changes you almost utterly; it is a new birth. You are never the same person again as you were before you loved a woman or a man. You have passed through fire, you are purified. But courage is needed.
You ask: “Why am I always interested in married women?” Because you are not courageous. You want to avoid the involvement. You want it cheaply, you don’t want to pay the price for it.
The second question:
Merciful master, It is not making love any more…I feel I am in a temple with you all over. At this moment I’m aware – which I never was before I met you. Everything is different every time – for me and the other half. Thanking you is never adequate at that moment. And yet we slip back. How can we take off? How can I take the help of the woman outside to be united with the woman inside me?
The question is from Anand Kul Bhushan. The first thing: Never think of the woman as “the other half”; she is not, neither are you. You are whole, she is whole. She is an individual and you are an individual. You are complete and she is complete. That old attitude that the woman is the other half has proved a great disaster. The moment you start possessing – it is a sort of possession – the moment you start destroying the individuality of the other, you are destroying something of great value. It is uncreative. Never think about the woman as the other half – she is not!
Two lovers are like two pillars in a temple: that’s how Kahlil Gibran says it. They support the same roof, but they are aloof, they are not together. If the two pillars of the temple come very close, the temple will fall down, the roof will not be supported at all. Look at these pillars in the Chuang Tzu Auditorium: they stand aloof – they support the same roof. So should lovers be: aloof, individual, and yet supporting something in common.