It is one of the perennial problems encountered by every seeker of truth. You cannot grasp truth – if you try, it will be far, far away. You cannot possess truth – if you try, you will find your hands utterly empty. Truth cannot be possessed because it is not a thing. On the contrary, you have to be courageous enough to be possessed by truth, because it is a love affair.
Allow yourself to be possessed by it and you will know what it is. But you have been doing just the contrary: you have been trying to have a grip on it. That’s what mind always longs for, desires. That’s what mind calls “understanding.” Unless the mind is capable of catching hold of something, the mind is not satisfied.
But truth is mercurial: if you try to hold it in your hands, the firmer the grip, the more elusive it will become, and the farthest – so far away that you will stop believing in it, trusting in it, so far away that you will not be able to see that it exists at all.
Truth comes; it cannot be brought. Truth happens; you cannot do anything about it – because the doer is the problem, the hindrance, the obstacle. The doer is the ego. And if you somehow manage not to allow the doer to interfere, it comes by the back door – as the one who experiences, as an observer, as an experiencer. It is the same ego again, in new garments.
That’s why when you feel it, it is lost – the doer has come now as a feeler. The doer has to be dissolved totally; it has not to be allowed back in some subtle way, in some secret way.
Let the truth be! Don’t be in a hurry to understand it or to feel it – just let it be there. You need not do anything about it. If you can remain in such a state of nondoing, of no-effort, of no-ego, you will understand, you will feel, you will know, you will have it. It can only be had indirectly, not directly.
That’s where you are missing it. And that’s where everybody misses it. Yes, there are moments when suddenly it is so close by, you would like to grab it. The very desire to grab comes out of greed; the very desire to grab comes out of fear. The very desire to grab is a mind desire. And as the mind enters in, truth goes out.
Can’t you simply be silent, not doing anything at all – not on the intellectual level, not on the physical level, not on the emotional level – doing nothing at all, just being there, utterly quiet? And then you will be possessed by it. And the only way to know it is to be possessed by it.
You say, “It is about this feeling that it has always been there…” Yes, it has always been there. It is our very being. It is the stuff we are made of. Truth is not something separate from you: you are truth. It is your very consciousness, the very ground of your being. You need not go anywhere else to seek and search, to Kashi or to Kaaba. Not even a single step is needed.
Lao Tzu says: “You can find it sitting in your own house, no need to go anywhere – because it is already there!” When you go on a search, when you move into seeking, you go farther away from it. Each search takes you away from the truth that is already there.