When you said last night that I am enlightened, it really freaked me out. It looks like I’m much more at ease with being unenlightened and searching for it, rather than just being enlightened. I don’t know what the question is but I feel I need a slap to wake me up!
The question you have asked must be reflecting the question of many people. It is significant in the sense that being enlightened brings a full stop to your desires, longings, searchings. All that you have done, down the ages, is only desiring, seeking, dreaming, hoping, and one is afraid to come to a point where suddenly you find there is no way to go, nowhere to go, that you have arrived.
You are saying, “When you said last night that everyone is enlightened it really freaked me out.” It freaked many out, it freaked many in, but it certainly freaked. And it brought to the surface something that you must have been carrying within your unconscious. Without this freaking out it may not have come to the surface.
You are saying, “It looks like I’m much more at ease with being unenlightened and searching for it, rather than just being enlightened.”
You are saying something immensely significant, not only about you, but about human mind as such. It is at ease in hoping, it is at ease if there is a tomorrow. The goal may be far away, but if the goal is there it is at ease. It does not want to come to a standstill – that feels very uneasy, because we have become accustomed to dreaming, running after goals, never arriving but always trying to arrive. The goal seems to be just close by, but the distance between you and the goal remains the same whatever you do. It is almost like the horizon. You go towards it and it goes on receding at the same rate. This has been the training of our mind, this is what we are; hence although you are just a beggar dreaming about kingdoms you are at ease.
It happens in many ways. You will not find poor people thinking about the meaning of life, you will not find poor people even bothering whether there is something like enlightenment or not. Only when a civilization becomes richer, people become educated, their bodily needs are fulfilled, do they suddenly start thinking about faraway goals. Then they start searching in many dimensions. They are searching, but deep down they don’t want to arrive at the conclusion. This is a strange dilemma, but if you understand rightly you can see the point. The point is, mind can live only in movement. When there is no movement time stops, mind stops, only you are.
It was not you who freaked out, it was your mind, with which you are absolutely identified. Unless you create a distance between the mind and you – you the witness – you will remain searching. Money, power, prestige, God, paradise, enlightenment – anything will do, just it should keep you going on. Any direction is okay, just stopping is dangerous, because the moment you stop mind dies. The moment you stop your personality dies. The moment you stop you disappear into the oceanic existence; hence the fear.