She never wanted me to see anybody else except her. When I was in silence for three and half years, only she was seeing me, reporting how things were going on. And everything was going perfectly well. She had a great managing capacity and absolute devotion.
When I used to go for “drive-by” she used to carry a gun by the side of my car; she learned to shoot, she got thirty people trained. And she was working from morning till late in the night. Nobody would have thought that she could say anything against me.
But as I started speaking, after three and a half years, people started sending questions relating to the work, relating to her dictatorial methods – that anybody who does not listen to her is immediately thrown out of the commune. And because only she was seeing me, I knew only as much as she related to me – and that was the part she chose.
So I said to her, “This is not right. I will have to see a few more people so that I can be aware of what exactly is going on in the commune. And if I find that you are doing something wrong, I can put you right.” I started seeing two, three people once in a while – just to get an idea of whether Sheela is representing things to me exactly, and I found she was not being truthful. This was the point when she became afraid, afraid of those people who were seeing me. And the commune had become almost an empire in itself.
She would have died for me, but the day I declared that there will be no successor to me, that instead of a successor there will be a committee of enlightened people who will choose who is going to be in charge of the commune…. deep down there must have been the hope that she was going to succeed me.
She started things which are inconceivable. She bugged my room, to be aware of what other people were telling me, what my answers to them were. And it was the same person who was moving with the gun to save my life. But the desire for power, which was unconscious up to now, and perhaps to her it remained unconscious…. But bugging your own master’s room…. On the one hand trusting me totally – but bugging my room is not trust. She was afraid that I might be preparing somebody – in case someone could take better care of the commune.
She tried to poison Vivek, because she was the one who was taking care of my body…just to remove her, so that she could put in somebody who would only report what Sheela wanted – her own person. She poisoned Devaraj, my personal physician, to kill him, so that another doctor could be put in his place who would report to me only things which Sheela wanted.
Man’s mind is such. And when she found that I had become aware that she had bugged at least two hundred houses in the commune, whomsoever she suspected may be capable of taking over her power…. She started tapping everybody’s telephones, to find out if there was anybody who was against her.