Sex is the continuity of life, it cannot be left to you; it is in the hands of biology. But because it is in the hands of nature you feel a certain compulsion, a certain slavery, and that’s why sexual partners are continually fighting. They are not aware why they are fighting; why they fight the man they love, the woman they love. The reason is that each feels deep down, “The other is my trouble, my problem.” Jean-Paul Sartre has a very significant statement: “The other is hell.”
But as far as sex is concerned, the other remains the other. The other disappears only in the second stage, and I don’t think even Jean-Paul Sartre reached the second stage. He was a man of tremendous intelligence, but not of great sensitivity. They are different things: intelligence is of the head, sensitivity is of the heart. And in fact our whole education is to sacrifice the heart for the head. So the people who get your Nobel Prizes, none of them gets the Nobel Prize for the heart, they get the Nobel Prize for the head.
Your universities teach nothing about the heart, they only go on training and sharpening your head. For the head, the other is hell; for the heart, there is no other and that is heaven. Only very few poets and painters and that type of crazy people have known love. But that love also is psychological and your mind is not something stable; it is one thing today, it is something else tomorrow.
So with the change of the mind, with the change of your psychology – which is continuously changing – your love has to change continuously. That is a great problem. It is not necessary that the person you love will also change in synchronicity with you. He may lag behind, he may go further, he may stop moving – all the possibilities are there. And with his changing psychology…
A child may fall in love with another child: we call it childhood love. But as they grow older that love because a beautiful memory, it has no significance. A young person falls in love with another person: the child psychology is gone, its love is also gone. In fact, you will never get a more beautiful experience of friendship than you got in your childhood. Never again that joy of friendship – because as you become older, friendship is no longer your need: your need becomes more and more sexual.
Only rarely does a person who is young have a poetic sensibility, but that sensibility also changes. In fact, the more delicate a phenomenon is, the more the possibility of change. Retarded people – who remain below the age of fourteen as far as their minds are concerned – can remain faithful to their wives, to their husbands, their whole life. They stopped growing when they were fourteen, and at that very time their love also stopped – came to a full stop, the terminus. Now they will go on repeating the same thing their whole life.
But more intelligent people will find it difficult. Hence, as man becomes more civilized, more intelligent, one cannot live with one woman, with one man forever. If he tries to do that, both become sad, both become bored, both become frustrated with each other. That is the point when the other starts becoming hell.